Waiting For The Sun To Set... Indicating That My Day Has Ended...

2011-06-10T23:40:00.002+08:00

yea. i know im back. but im not gonna post much anyway. this is like my emo blog post. read it if you want.... dont waste your time if you dont...

sian. jsut feel as if i regretted making my choices.
and i just feel too afraid to make anymore choices.. for the fear of... well... not being able to accomplish.
in life, it's all about competition... dont give the look *no it isn't* look cuz its really a lie.
well.. in a design related field, it IS about competition. you lose out if your designs are not up to standard simply cuz others are better.
people say to follow your heart and not your brain (well... mostly not) but how true is that?
i mean you gotta think of the circumstances too. your heart may say one thing but your circumstances says otherwise. then which should you choose to follow? either one can cuz you to suffer.
following your heart may make you suffer due to your circumstances. following your brain may make you haate yourself cuz you're not enjoying anything. then what?
problems are piling.. but solutions are not. its kinda frustrating.

sometimes its easy to encourage others.. and tell them that they can do it... but when you're in the same situation... it's kinda hard to believe what you have said.
if only encouragements serve as a promise and an assurance of 90-100%... how much better could life be.

im so losing faith in myself.
i dun know if i can be a good interior designer.
idk if i can achieve and be successful.
competition.
demand.
market.
pay.
job.
further studies.
family.
finances.
passion.
grades.
love.
wants.
needs.
wishes.
dreams.
hopes.
creativity.
ideas.
worries.
fear.
doubt.

so much going on in my head.
sigh.

what's life if it was the way you want it to be.
if you can do wahtever you like forever.
to love what you do and yet, not feel stressed bout it.
to know your future is blissful and filled with roses.

ut like they always say, even roses have thorns.

each challenge and trial is a mean of expanding my capacity. but how much more can i expand. i just feel so scared to make anymore decisions.

idk anymore.
seeing the JC people makes me doubt myself. ahve i taken the right path. maybe i should be in JC. IDK.

Growing cold

2011-04-17T22:07:00.002+08:00

just realised a great singer!
Sang "You are for me" yesterday during P&W!
super LOVE that song! ^^
made me feel all lurved again~ heheee!

anyway! tomorrow's the 1st day of school!
i have mixed feelings though.

firstly, i was just walking home yesterday after all the fellowshipping.
and a thought came to me. well, it came to me when i was going svc too..
and after i ran yesterday and was slowly waling to cool down.
ANYWAY!
i was thinking mostly about myself.
i realised that i don't feel like myself anymore.
something bout me's changing and i feel lost.
Like i've changed into a diff person!
:C not that happy.
like i've treated people i dont know more as a stranger?
and treated people i know as..
well..
maybe a like a stranger too?
i DONT KNOW?
i just feel like i've grown further away from my friends.. :C

and i didnt go for the FOC too.
im just scared that everyone would've formed a clique or something before me.
and then i'll be kinda left out. im really really scared :/
after listening to the song, i feel kinda more peaceful?
but still... i really really scared that history repeats itself!

is having friends before.. a good thing or a bad thing?
because when you move on in life, and your good friends become distant..
you'll feel even more lonely than what you remember..
isnt that even more sad and bitter-like..
you'll feel cold and sad.
dont get me wrong, im not emo-ey and stuff.. im just afraid!

sigh.
i have to learn to let go yea?
the thing is..
i DONT KNOW if i've already let go of my past stuff.
neither do i know if im ready to accept new things.
stubborn as i am, i dislike changes!
i dislike new things. things that i dont know about nor have confidence in.

i really miss a lot of thing.

im afraid that even the closest friends of mine become distant.
im afraid that even my closest friends become strangers within a few months or years.
after all, my friends are what makes my life so precious and lovely!

but im real glad that school's starting. at least it gives me a reason to do something!
after all, i feel all lifeless without anything to look forward to really.
maybe sch's not bad. although i'll feel more stressed up all over again.
maybe that familiar feeling will come back. maybe~

even the closest of all friends
will turn into strangers someday
if we do not put in the effort to meet and talk to them.
but it's a two way thing.
both party's gotta put in the effort.
am i willing?
and are you willing to keep this friendship going?

Time seem to stop...

2011-04-12T11:14:00.003+08:00

even during rainy days,
i choose to sing.

everyday seems like every other day.
i've lost track of time.. seriously.
it seems like i'm just going through the motion, no purpose, no nothing.
GOSH! i just want a LIFE! sigh!
a huge part of me doesn't want school to start though.
a small part of me yearns to start school, to give myself a little purpose and a goal to achieve.

after all, it is often when we don't have a goal that we will slowly, but surely, rot and die...

yet, what sort of goal or purpose will i have this year?
one that i like? a goal that i will definitely enjoy chasing after?
maybe?

all i know is that i found a love for drawing. for creating. for just trying out new methods.
for imagining. for penning (sp?) down my thoughts through drawing and painting (water colour paints).
a part of me desires to just draw..
to show that simple drawings, and most importantly, the feelings put into your drawings can make one smile :) or cry :'(

simply put it... to express your feelings and thoughts through the drawings without them being all art-ish and complicated!
i'd rather let people bluntly (is that the right word?) see/know what i feel, than to let them guess.
isn't that what we want in life? to people know what we are feeling than to let them guess?
when we are angry, we are angry! >:C
when we feel sad, we just want others to acknowledge and empathize, not pity us. :C
when we are happy, we want to share our joy with the whole wide world! :D

we are who we are, and we want other to know us as ourselves!

lol. am i making sense? i don't know. oh wells.

i guess, when i draw something that shows i'm happy/excited/glad, just seeing my drawing makes me even more happy! it's like an assurance that i'm not dreaming!
when im sad/scared/afraid, i draw to get rid of it.

i guess.. for the rest of my poly life, i'll learn to appreciate design as a way of expressing my thoughts and feelings. Truly, i have never learnt so much in just 2 weeks. more like a day actually. Really treasure that. And I am moving on to experimenting with just a black pen, a sketch book and occasionally, water colour paints!
hope my friend taking art could teach me more about using other mediums (is this the right word)/materials to draw/design!
im soo excited for what i will be learning this year!

really found my friend's "365 project" very inspiring. it showed me that a small goal/objective in mind can really make everyday of your life awesome! Well, she's my ex classmate and future schoolmate. and she's gonna venture into photography! :D to sum it all up, she's awesome!
go take a look!- http://repty.tumblr.com/

Time seemed to stop
When we are goal-less,
When we have no objectives in mind,
When we lose our purpose.

Then, we will slowly but surely
Die.

Don't let time stop.
Keep on searching for a purpose.
Small or big,
It doesn't matter.

What matters is keeping your life in motion,
finding a purpose to live each day. :D

It's been long

2011-04-11T11:09:00.002+08:00

instrumental songs that bring out the deepest thoughts.

hi guys! i know it's been loooong!
haha i think people thinks it's dead.. but oh wells.. this is a site just to express my thoughts and views i guess?

well.. lotsa things have happened since the last post.

DPA PPP and SDP. all in all, it was fun and enjoyable.. yet i still cant get used to it.
has staying in HSC been a little too.. long for me to learn to adapt to something new? :(
well.. all i can say is that the new TP students that i met up with are no doubt fun people.. but they give a different feel to what HSC ppl give.. it just seems all too different. which of course, makes me miss the 4e1 people A LOT!

that's why i dont want to miss any opportunity to meet up with the e1 peeps during class outing etc! maybe it's a way to get back into the comfort zone. but how much comfort can i get now anyway? everyone's starting a new "life" in their new schools! new subjects (which are TOTALLY different from mine) and new friends.. sometimes, talking to them can be a little difficult due to the differences.. kinda sad yea? sigh~

sometimes, looking back into the past seems so great. sometimes, you never wish that time would past. sometimes, you think that it's okay to go back to the past even if it meant studying like crazy all over again. I seriously don't mind! i just wish that things can be like the past.. yea okay.. i can be a bit selfish here.. oops sorry? but i'd really like to go back to the past when we have so much more things in common than nowwww. when the differences are getting larger/wider! :(

sometimes, i wonder if i've made the wrong choices. what is right and what is wrong? is there a clear line that defines right and wrong, just like white and black? or is there a "grey" in between? the one that says maybe you're right, but also wrong? and am i regretting whatever decisions i've made?

I guess all i know is that sometimes, i can be afraid of what happens in the future. what happens 1 hour after that, 1 day, 1 month, 1 year after that! afraid that i wont get along with people. afraid that even the closest friends i have will get distant as time pasts. afraid that people forget. afraid that things will be totally different. and i guess it's not wrong to be afraid. it's moving on, starting all over again and accepting the fact that things change.. that's what matters most.

Yet, is that possible for me?

I really don't know.

All i can say is that i'm still clinging on the past. not fully, but partially clinging on to what i used to have. hoping that somehow, things can be similar.. familiar! maybe it will happen, maybe not. who knows?

Moving on.

That's it.

Moving on.

what's my next move?

CNY, DPA begins

2011-02-11T16:19:00.003+08:00

hi! :D i'm back! gosh the past few days had been... fun?

haha!

"put your wishes into the memories you do not want to forget."
ef- a tale of memories

well, so CNY at my cher's house.. great crowd, great fun!
haha! had a really great time there mann...
love this group of people ttm! and really missing them now!
gosh poly sch life just isnt the same now.
i wonder when's the next class outing!
CANT WAIT! :D

well, poly DPA stuff has started!
kinda sian though.. it's just different from sec sch friends.
something is just different lahhh...
like the HSC culture feel is gone should i say?
hmm...
it makes me feel like all pri school again.. and i shan't say what i felt like..
i just feel like i don't belong man...
i don't know~ *shrugs*
oh wells.
i just wish that there were more HSC ppl..
still trying to stay in my comfort zone huh.

long distances pull us apart.
it kills.

2011-02-10T00:55:00.003+08:00

so many things that i wanna say.. but im just too tired to..
well, tomorrow maybe?
just let ya listen to some calm music :D

LOL! isn't it nice.
wish i can have Ef -a tale of memories AND melodies soundtrack albums...

memories

2011-02-05T10:19:00.000+08:00

Memories.
There are memories that we choose to forgot,
and others we choose to remember forever.
However, are there memories we choose to have,
but are unable to get.
And at what cost and what sacrifice would you make
just for them?

hi people! :D
it's been CNY for 3 days!
yea!
enjoyed the food during reunion dinner,
and GOSH thwe goodies! yummmmy! :D
had losta fun with cousins ( :DDD ) tooo!

haha! sadly, fri and today's not that great!
met all the distant relatives on fri (BOREDOM!)
but im most sad about today! :C

we're supposed to visit our teacher (and one of my most fav teacher btw)

but i've gotta go visit someone else with my parents.
got a bad scolding from my dad too cuz of that D:
and now, i cant go :C
aww mann.. been looking forward to this day since 2009,
when we first asked our teacher about that.
PLUS, i really really wanna spend some time with my friends!
it's just like before, i just can't seem to let go!

my circle of friends is like my comfort zone.
darn!
plus i just wanna spend more time with my friends bah?
this could be my last moment kinda thing mann..
sigh..

don't get me wrong!
i'm not always emo-ish!
it's just that.. well, i tend to write down what i'm feel on my blog.
since no one i know reads this often ^^
wheee!
i can be happy too ya know! :D

sigh.. but i'm rather disappointed with the situation and stuff.
sigh.
can't do anything about it
so i'll just let things be.

hope 4e1 will enjoy themselves at cher's house!

byebye :D

let me not be the person who dampens the mood.
Instead, let me be someone who brings joy to all.

unsure?

2011-01-31T22:31:00.002+08:00

listened to this song while playing pool with my friends!

a discovery!
should've known sooner though.

well..
there's so much that i've been thinking about..
and it really makes me feel surprised!
a friend whom i've known for 4 years..
yet i made it seemed like he's a total stranger for the whole 4 years!
haha indeed a great friend that i've only realised.. recently..

learnt something here.
cherish your friends,
each and every one of them.
this is because you'll soon learn and see through the person.
all those years could've been just the surface of this person.
but one day, you'll see this person's core.
you'll realise that he/she is not as bad as you think he/she is!

and im glad that at least i've friends with me yea?
gonna be in same poly, nut not in the same school.
sad.
but i hope that we'll ALL definitely be able to have a gathering every fri,
or at LEAST twice a month..
to get together,
talk and have fun!
honestly, i'm really blessed with such great friends!
and at LEAST i know someone in my poly.
at least im not alone :D
and that makes me happy.
at least someone knows me for who i am,
not just the surface of "me" :D

sigh.
when school starts, (next week)
i'll have less time to spend with my friends.

have i regretted DPA-ing?
well, it depends.

no, i've not. why?
cuz this is my dream! something i've long wanted!

yes! why?
i'd totally miss 2 months of fellowship-ing with my friends!
kinda sad...
:C
but oh wells..
not like i can avoid it anyway..
just be glad for every bit of time spent with them yea :D

sigh.

a beautiful mistake.

lonely?

2011-01-30T02:48:00.005+08:00

well, i guess lotsa my friends have been wondering why im still blogging..
well, it's just a way of relieving stress and to say what i feel/think i guess?

anyway, been feeling rather... weird..
like its all ended..
which is tentatively true.
everyone's starting school..
fine.
MOST of my friends started school already.. in JCs i mean XP
and it kinda feels lonely.
well.. like i said..
i really miss my friends.
just can't let go, can i?
haha
maybe this is just me.

have you ever had such moments
when you just remember a scene from the past that made you laugh.. or smile?
and while remembering it, you just seem to "replay" those moments.
and then you start smiling again (well, make sure you don't so that in public.. ppl may think you're weird)
sometimes, i just wish that i can re-live those moments.
just for the joy it gives!
well, a smile keeps me happy right?
and it adds joy and colour to my life!
i just wish those moments could reappear as a dream..
so it's neither real, nor false!
but it add joy somehow...?
i guess?

gah!

watched Liar Game jap drama series..
and yes it's amusing AND interesting..
but what, i guess, this drama makes me feel is that..
we may think that in this world,
there's so much hurt and doubts that we choose not to believe in people.
we think that believing in others will eventually cause us, ourselves, harm..
yet, believing in others can also change the whole thinking.
if we ALL choose to believe in one another,
ans trust each other,
then where would all the hurts and doubts manifest from?
gahh i dont know how to phrase properly... ermmm...
JUST GO AND WATCH IT!
to me, i feel that it's really worth the time!

haha you'll get what i mean :D IF you choose to watch it till the end ^^

well.. there's more i can say but it's 3AM! gotta sleep!
don't wanna turn into a panda! haha! :P

GOODNIGHT/MORNING! :P

to doubt
and
be doubted?

tick tock, time is running out

2011-01-26T00:26:00.002+08:00

Praying won't do it
Hating won't do it
Drinking won't do it
Fighting won't knock you out
Of my head

Hiding won't hide it
Smiling won't hide it
Like I ain't tried it
Everyone's tried it now
And failed somehow

So when you gonna let me
When you gonna let me out - Out

And if you know
How do you get up from an all time low
I'm in pieces
Seems like peace is
The only thing I'll never know
How do you get up
Get up

‘Cos driving won't do it
Flying won't do it
Denying won't do it

What you said

When I'm standing on the yellow line
Waiting at the station
Or I'm late for work
A vital presentation
If you call me now girl
Without reservation
I would try to break through

But if you know
How do you get up from an all time low
I'm in pieces
It seems like peace is
The only thing I never know
How do you get up from an all time low
I can't even find a place to start
How do I choose between my head and heart
Till it ceases I never know
How do you get up from an all time low

A low, (repeat)
Can you hear me
A low (repeat)
Can't you hear me

And if you know…
Repeat chorus
/////////////////////////

hi everyone!
:D
well, lets just say that our holis are officially ending!
tomorrow everyone's gonna know the school they'll be posted to,
and the following day, they'll report to school!
well, how boring can that be?
BORING FOR ME!
only a hand full of the people in my class are going to a poly
so yea.. it can get pretty boring without them :C
*sad*

heheh! went to play badminton with the 4e3 and e1 people!
^^
it's always a joy spending time with them mannnn! C:
although we're quite noob at it but..
oh wells... it's always for the fun of it.

kinda saw a mom/coach teaching a little girl to play properly..
and WOW! i'm awfully angry at the way things are done.
i call it "killer-joy"
because the girl cant play that well, it doesnt mean that the "coach" can shout at her.
it kinda makes me realise that getting someone to LOVE something
cant be done in a 'tough' manner.
it'll not only kill their interest in the hobby..
it'll also results in a hatred for it!
how can you enjoy if you hate?

anyway, i'm glad that i had fun!
the kite flying part was kinda.. ermm.. a failure?
heheheee the wind's too strong but it felt nice.
the sky looked beautiful, as always!
(hehehee i SUPER love the blue sky!)

and had mac for dinner at T1 rooftop
(pretty place but lotsa smokers.. not my cup of tea i guess?)

(crap it's raining here! AGAIN!)

talked a lot with my friends.
honestly, im still amazed by how well we can connect and talk to one another withought feeling slightly awkward.
:D
i guess this is the result of good friendship bonds between wonderful friends! ^^
gosh im gonna miss them!
haha!
hope we'll still have the time to go out for badminton games..
to have meals out,
or just to chit chat.
i'll really miss them.

cant wait till we meet again!

i wish they all knew what i meant.
and i hope that this friendship will not end.
Instead,
it'll last for a lifetime!

friends forever..
let's hope it'll be true..
not only for me..
but also for you.

it's okay!

2011-01-21T11:28:00.002+08:00

oopx.. forget to tell you guys!
haha everything's been settled! ^^
i am confirmed in TP!
okies!

got me worried for more than 10 hours!
ahhhhhh!
it was soooooo stressful that it could make 10 strands of white hair grow
or form wrinkles..
eepx! haha!

gone for my medical check up.
gotta collect the forms again a few days later.

fast fast fast!

rush rush rush!

so many activities!

i'd never really get to rest well..

but heck!

spending time with my friends and loved ones

make it more worthwhile than resting!

i LOVE you people for making my life so much more fun and enjoyable.

give thanks
in all things!
appreciate life as it is.

2011-01-20T13:02:00.003+08:00

argh! i could dedicate a blog just for these few days.
honestly, blogging helps me to relieve the stress i have.
there's no one whom i can talk to or consult about this problem/situation.

3 hours have past.
still no news.
im getting more worried that they didnt bother about me.
i DON'T want to be school-less!
argh!
im super worried right now and feeling extremely stressed.
now, it's not about tests or exams.
it's partially about my future.
and my entire 2011 year.
my head is literally screaming WTF!
and i seems like the inner part of me is trembling with fear.
no kidding.

i really feel lost.

what should i do?
i really need help.
like...
REALLY.

what now?

2011-01-20T10:23:00.002+08:00

Am i tooo nice a person that people come to me with their problems?
not that i don't want to help,
and YES, i DO want to help in anyway possible.
yes, i don't mind being a listening ear.
but now,
i feel totally lost.

have you ever felt like your dreams are shattered right before your eyes?
just a few mistakes and there it goes! *pop!*
and it disappears.
to have your dreams shattered...
even after working extremely hard for it.
it was (and still is) a dream i had since 2-3 years ago!
something i felt proud of.
something that gave me a goal to achieve.
but it all just disappears!
that's the most horrible thing ever.
now, i feel lost.
i'm not sure what am i supposed to do.
i don't want to take each day as it comes.
i want a breakthrough in this!
this is NOT only my dream,
but everyone hopes that i'll be successful too.
it's always the hopeful feeling that drives me to achieve
what seemed like "impossible".
but is this "impossible" really impossible?

stand strong.
and believe.

anger, sadness?

2011-01-20T00:39:00.003+08:00

fear. everywhere.
where's the comfort?

darn! i feel like i've been digging my own grave.
why does IE say i decline my offer to TP?!?!?!?!
DARN! gotta wake up early again tmr.
i really REALLY hate this.
so many diff problems for me.
sometimes i wish i AM a kid and will always be one.
then i wouldnt need to settle my own problems.
i REALLY hate this feeling..
the fear and all.
if only i can go back in time....
all the stupid things that i'll have to do in the future.
HONESTLY,
i have NO idea what will happen if it's too late.

sometimes, i just feel like crying..
i really feel lost here...
unsure of the future.

i know i've been feeling rather down these few days.
it's just too bad that i end my day with horrible stuff!

went out eith friends and all these few days and i really enjoy it!
why can't i just enjoy a day with my friends.
just ENJOY.
no problems popping out of nowhere?!
yea im whining.

gah!

if only you can understand me.
if only you can walk in my shoes.
know how i feel.
but does it matter?
there's no way you can be me.
i'm "me" no matter what.
i have to face my own troubles,
my own problems,
my own life.

sometimes,
the only thing we can do
is to sit down
and wipe away our tears.
To assure ourselves
that everything will be alright.
That's the most we can do.

afraid. but who can understand me?

2011-01-19T01:40:00.003+08:00

What if people looked at you differently?
thought of you differently?
what if they never really knew you?
would all these matter?
maybe..
just maybe...

just received application forms for my new school.
super pissed!
dateline's by tomorrow and i have to do everything by today!
ahhh!
got super stressed and fed up.
i HATE ADMIN work.

Ohh im so grateful for my friends and seniors who are there for me.
for their encouragement and help!
if not, i don't know who to consult with. (english error i think?)

but as i was talking to my friend,
i realised something.
what if i'm seen in a bad light?
what if my "friends" see me differently from who i really am?
as someone who takes the place of another student in need of the course?
after all, i can easily get into a JC.
why go poly?
i'm afraid people will judge me not from who i really am,
but what i've achieved.
my distinctions. my points.
i don't want people to assume that i'm someone else.
i want them to know ME as MYSELF.
i dont want to boast, and i'm not going to boast about it.
but what can i do to avoid those awkward convos about results?
after all, all those whom i've already known for a while are slightly "pissed" with the fact that i've DPA-ed and yet, get a good score.
what more a stranger whom i've not even met?
i AM afraid.
i AM afraid of what i'll get once i start school.
those stares.
or even the neglects i'll receive.
the "get lost" looks.
something i've already felt in pri school.
and i assure you i DON'T want to feel that again.
HSC has really brought life to me.
and somehow, i just can't seem to let go of my grip onto the HSC life.
it's just the life i've always wanted! you see...

will anyone ever know me for who i really am?
one with good intentions,
and a dream that she wants fulfilled?
or am i just a book with a "nasty"-looking cover?
one that gets judge based on her achievements?
am i meant to be alone?
i hope not.

regretful

2011-01-17T01:46:00.002+08:00

who are "You"?

just saw some pics of friends who went to MJC open house.
GOSH i wish i wan there.
made me regret choosing my course.
made me regret working.

if there's one thing i cherish more than anything, it's
no.1: God
no. 2: friends and family (relationship with people)

i always wish to live my life to the fullest.
in a way such that i make full use of my time
to enjoy building this trust, and love, and fun with my friends!
to know that if i'm happy, they're happy too!
i LOVE to see people around me feel happy!
it really brightens my day!
i want to be part of the joy.
part of the sorrow.
part of...
i guess, i just don't want to be left out.
to be left alone!
and yes, i've felt the "lonely" feeling before.
horrible.

it's always joyful for e to be around my friends.
it doesnt matter the venue or time!
But he company matters a lot more..
agreeable?

yea.

please don't forget about me mannnn!

desperate?

2011-01-15T22:52:00.002+08:00

the struggles,
and fears,
they made me become who i am today.

success!

well.. time flies REAL fast.
i cant seem to catch up!
school's starting soon.

and a few weeks ago, it was O's.
argh! it seems like time's flying too fast!
i feel like telling it to slow down!
:C

somehow, i just don't want a new life.
but you cant have new wine poured into old wineskin..
sigh.
i'll miss my class!
most of them chose MJC or TJC..
only a handful's going TP :CCCCC
i'm so sad D:

i want a new vision,
a new dream,
a new goal!

i thank God for fulfilling my entire sec life's vision and dreams.
i'm pretty sure what He wanted for me in HSC has been fulfilled.
and NOW, there's more for me!
i just have to keep on trusting God.

sigh.
i'm hoping for a new vision.
i thank God for His promise ^^
yay~

okies. i gotta go now! :D

seeya!

it gets better
even when things get tougher.

joy and sorrow, a mixture

2011-01-11T11:04:00.003+08:00

so many secrets to keep.
so many things to keep quiet about.
will i ever give them away?
will you ever know?

heyo!
yes! results are out!
and joy overflows!
im so happy!
im more than satisfied bah? :D
got what i wanted!

well, went to school early with my sec2 friends jsut to play! ^^
so happy to see the teachers again!
ahahaha! loved their shocked expressions when they saw us in school THAT early!
played table-tennis (4e1's specialty) AGAIN!
ahhhh the fun and joy! :D

then the nervous parts when the results arent out yet.
we kept on asking our teachers for the results.. lol?
nervous, anxious, afraid....
yeappx. we all felt that way.
it's the norm~

then, the results! *scary music*
it wasn't what we expected?
mostly lower than the national results..
but well, what can i say?
we're in a batch of smart people! haha!

they announced the results..
and those who did exceptionally well!
OMG top scorer with full A1s!
so proud of him!
so happy and joyful for him!
really, he's worked hard for the results,
and he definitely deserved them!
ahahahahahha!
totally cheered and screamed for those who did so well!
(well.. except for this guy. but i shall remain silent. it's our school thing)
^^

but then, the sad part came!
imagine yourself doing so well..
you want to spread the joy.
you want your friends to be happy WITH and FOR you.
you want to celebrate with them.
and you realise...
you're the exception!
suddenly, people around you started crying.
meeting below their expectations.
and i can't do anything about it!
the main point is,
I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!
and it saddens me to be out of the group.
i'd rather score slightly worse and be able to sit in with the group.
i'd rather be able to stand there and not feel guilty.
and it really hurts to see my dear friends cry while i smile..
i truly wish that i could help, but i cant.
talking makes things worse.
it felt like my presence itself made things worse.
i'd never expected it.
and i really wish things could be better.

well, all is over.
there's nothing much i can do now.

To all of my dear friends:

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU'VE GOT NOW.
THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING BETTER FOR YOU.
LOOK AHEAD!
I BELIEVE YOU'RE ALL GONNA DO WELL!
BE POSITIVE.
THERE'S ALWAYS UPS AND DOWNS IN LIFE.
THIS MAY BE A 'DOWN' TIME FOR YOU.
BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THE 'UP' TIMES ARE NEAR!
JIA YOU!
AND CHASE AFTER YOUR OWN DREAMS AND DESIRES!

ALL THE BEST IN YOUR FUTURE ENDEAVORS!

it's the well wishes,
the genuine love,
the confidence,
and the faith
that pulls a person up
and enables him or her
to succeed.

it worked for me,
and it will surely work for you!

new

2011-01-04T10:42:00.005+08:00

Gravity
pulling me down down down.
feeling the weight,
the pressure.
how i wish i could feel the fears
and burdens
being lifted up.

wow. it's finally 2011.. 1st day of school.
but ehre i am at home.. waiting for CHALET!
haha! i kinda miss going to school.
always ending up at the foyer with the prefects early in the morning.
1st-day-of-school days are usually the fun ones.
get to say HI to people again.
laugh at the stupidest things that happen.
catch up with people.
feel a little more "senior" :P
get to do new duties (patrolling sec1 area is FUN cuz they are soooo quiet!)

darn i wish i can see the sec1s.
haha! i wanna meet all the new juniors!
of prefectorial board and band! esp my tuba juniors!
OMG i'm an alumni now.
honestly, i don't like that.
alumni makes me feel old.
outdated. sheesh!

well.. school days are over for me.
venturing into poly life.
TOTALLY new!
couldnt wait for this day last year.
but yet, i'd rather 2010 repeat itself again.
i miss those times we laugh at anything in class.
make fun of our teachers.
tease one another!
work together as a class.
go through thick and thin.
do physics and nothing but physics (yes. i DO miss lesson time!)

im already forgetting so many things.
binomial thrm, differentiation, integration..
ahahah but physics is like.. unforgettable. scary!

hope all the teachers are doing well in school.
really REALLY miss then ttm!
sigh.

oh wells.
chalet later. im gonna make use of my time.
my last moment together as a class.
i miss them. no doubt.
i'll just pray that my 2 days with the class will be the best days ever!
hope to see the teachers again.
hope to talk to them as friends.
hope to have fun.
to just PLAY.
to be a kid again.
to be myself.
been feeling rather detached from the HSC ppl after all.
i want to connect with these people again.
to remind myself that all those things that happened in the past,
were not merely dreams.
they ARE REAL.

i have wonderful friends.
i thank God for that.

new life,
new story.

new year?

2011-01-02T00:16:00.003+08:00

Jet setter
Go getter
Nothing better
Call me Mr. been there done that
Top model chick to your every day hood rat
Less than all but more than a few
But I've never met one like you

Been all over the world
Done a little bit of everything
Little bit of everywhere
With a little bit of everyone
All the girls I've been with
Things I've seen it takes much to impress
But sure enough you go it makes your soul stand up from all the rest

I can be in love
But I just don't know
Baby one thing is for certain
Whatever you do it's working
All the girls don't matter
In your presence can't do what you do
There's a million girls around but I don't see no one but you

Girl you're so one in a million
You are
Baby you're the best I ever had
Best I ever had
And I'm certain that
There ain't nothing better
No there ain't nothing better than this

You're not a regular girl
You don't give a damn about your look
Talking about I can't do it for you
But you can do it for yourself
Even though that ain't so
Baby cause my dough don't know how to end
But that independent thing I'm with it
All we do is win baby

I could be in love
But I just don't know
Baby one thing is for certain

Whatever you do it's working
All the girls don't matter
In your presence can't do what you do
There's a million girls around but I don't see no one but you

Baby you're so one in a million
You are
Baby you're the best I ever had
Best I ever had
And I'm certain that
There ain't nothing better
No there ain't nothing better than this
Girl you're so one in a million
You are
Baby you're the best I ever had
Best I ever had
And I'm certain that
There ain't nothing better
No there ain't nothing better than this

Timing girl
Only one in the world
Just one of a kind
She mine

Ooh all that I can think about is what this thing could be
A future baby
Baby you're one of a kind
That means that you're the only one for me
Only one for me
Baby (girl) you're so one in a million
You are
Baby you're the best I ever had
Best I ever had
And I'm certain that
There ain't nothing better
No there ain't nothing better than this
Girl you're so one in a million
You are
Baby you're the best I ever had
Best I ever had
And I'm certain that
There ain't nothing better
No there ain't nothing better than this
///////////////////////////////////

Is this the start of a new beginning?
Will it be great?
Were things in the past all right?
Had i done enough?

these were things going on in my mind
when the year ended and soon,
begun..

somehow,
somewhat,
i just feel sad..
more of sad than happy.
it's like..
i've NEVER wanted 2010 to end.
i WAS sure that it wouldnt end SO FAST!
but i was wrong.
with a blink of an eye,
it's 2011!

i was just thinking if i had done enough in 2010.
if what i had done was enough for everyone.
but part of me felt like i could do more!
i don't know what "more" meant..
but i guess im a little afraid of 2011?

new year, new school, new life.
DUH it'll be scary.
spent 4 years in HSC - made it a comfort zone.
now, in a new environment with hopefully, new friends.
somehow, it just ain't right..

im just afraid i wont have any friends bah?
and loneliness KILLS.
it IS scary..
just hoping for the best..

cant wait for class chalet!
cant wait to see those familiar faces again! :D
that makes me SO much MORE HAPPY~! ^^

i SOOO miss my class. haha!

well.. I'd like to wish you all a
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

goodnight(morning) people!

if only things could continue~

thorns or roses

2010-12-30T10:42:00.003+08:00

"life's not like a bed of roses,
and even roses have thorns."

I've always loved this...
show's me that it's never possible to have a perfect life.
And even if we seem to have a perfect life,
there are some flaws hidden somewhere~

But what matters most is that we keep on keeping on,
doing our best in everything!
Why?
Simply to make our 'roses' look beautiful,
even if the 'thorns" exist.

well, i dont even know if what i typed made any sense.
oh wells!

today, work starts at 6pm. dinner shift.
not very good.
till closing.
that means i have to clear the rubbish and all.
sigh!
have to walk to long way to the rubbish area.
btw, did i tell you guys this?
i kinda got lost in the car park on my way to the storage area.
HAHA!
kinda expected though?

i don't know what to do later. =_=
boredom.
i'm running out of medicine
and my throat still hurts like mad.
GOSH!
what to do~

anyway, i had the weirdest dream again.
HAHA!
more of funny than weird.
well, at LEAST i didnt have sore throat in my dreams.

kk.
nothing much to say.
i wonder why i even bother to blog =_=?

I shall just close my eyes
and pretend.
I shall tell myself that nothing happened.

yeappx. just a dream!
C=

Firework

2010-12-29T18:55:00.003+08:00

will my life be so beautiful?
just like the fireworks in the sky?

hi! worked this morning.
weirdly, i have no idea why but i feel MUCH better..
drank LOTSA water at the cafe. XP
haha!~ just feel super tired after that.
hmm..

i'm a workaholic. how sad~
oh well!
results in 12 days
HOW FAST!
but i don't feel a thing.
that's not really a good sign.
sigh.

and bro's playing with my phone. XP

anyway, hope that everyone's doing okay!
gotta work in the evening till closing tmr.
*pouts*
hope tmr will be good bah?

wheeee dinner!
i cant wait.
talk to you later ^^
*YUM~*

you never reply.
you leave me doubting.
maybe i should just forget.
just maybe..

continued?

2010-12-28T17:59:00.002+08:00

hmm.. here i am again..
bored at home..
and omg my vision's weird..
blurry and stuff..
okay.. im pretty scared..

just realised how LONG it's been since i've been in contact with my E1 friends.
GOSH i miss having outings with them or having lessons with them..
argh!
that's why working sux..
apparently, everyone seems to be working.
so it's SO hard to keep in contact with them. not fun at all really...
cant use the comp at night cuz bro's busy using it (it's HIS anyway~)
and yea...
sigh...

it's been raining the entire day,
the cold weather's not helping me with my cough and all,
and i just spent my afternoon reading a book..
how great.
=.=

i wish i can go back to school next week...

truly, when we're students,
we often think that working is MUCH better than studying..
after working,
i'd like to take back what i've said..
i'd rather study than work..
i seriously miss school...

cafe, work, x'mas

2010-12-28T11:57:00.006+08:00

Is it better to doubt than to know the truth?
Or is it better to let the truth hurt you for a short moment?
And then, forget about it?

hey guys! sorry for not blogging these few days.
been busy with work work work.. heheheh!~
we'll im loving my workplace!
wonderful colleagues,
great customers (for now)
and nice bosses!

made my FIRST latte! teheheeee!
i cant believe they say that it's easy..
i find it super hard XP
esp foaming the milk.. not easy at all..
haha!
cooked some food too :D

well, been tending a booth at the Atrium and made a few friends there..
due to boredom too~ *lalalaa~*
business fluctuates from $0 profit to maybe a few $10s?
but it's great to have good company there.
seen different types of people,
served different types of customers..
had great fun (and lotsa boredom) too! ^^

too bad, a colleague at the cafe gotta quit THIS early..
he's super nice :P *sigh sigh..*

well.. x'mas was okay?
spent x'mas eve and x'mas working..
talk about SIAN x100..
and sales was okay i guess?
worst!
i'm sick!
infection in the eyes and throat, fever...
like wth?
and i don't even know how i got them! amazing~
family dinner on x'mas eve + mum's little b'day celeb! :D
food was GREAT!!
at 3 plates full of food and still felt hungry..
drank a little champagne(sp) (yay! fulfilled 1 of my goals)
and had very RED bloodshot eyes.
haha! i looked like i was crying non-stop.. eepx!

getting better already..
hope i'll recover fully by tmr to start work again! :D
JIA YOU!

btw, reading jodi picoult - keeping faith now. super interesting! :D
if you've nothing to do, try borrowing the book at the library! :DDD

i wonder what's so good about my blog? hmm?

was it just a little dream?
my imagination?
was it a lie?

grateful

2010-12-20T00:09:00.003+08:00

while walking home from work, i just had this thought.

have you ever looked at the sky at night?
have you ever seen how beautiful it is?
the white clouds, i swear i saw them!
the stars, though tiny and few,
they look so beautiful!
the moon that brightens the sky
even though it's dark and eerie!

yeappx!
just seeing it makes me smile!

well, had to work at atrium again!
it want fun at all!
but GOSH i'd like to thank God for cherie and ginko!
for spending their time with me!
it's great to have such lovely friends really!
my sec1 friends till now.
and we're still so close! hahaha!

it's always a pleasure to have company anywhere and anytime.
i'd wish that my time with everyone will stretch and last longer!
too bad, time is short@
and we are always rushing, whether we like it or not.

still,
i thank God for every moment!
for having me in mind,
for letting me exist,
for loving me,
for providing me all my needs!
For all the fun times i had,
and even the bitter ones.
For letting me know that i can be victorious
over all things,
and that nothing is impossible.

if only things could last a little bit longer.

New Heights - Peaches (Acoustic)

2010-12-18T23:28:00.000+08:00

OMG THE ACCOUSTIC VERSION! ahhh so nice! :D

love language

2010-12-18T23:05:00.003+08:00

lovely film.

lovely song :D

why is that i keep on deluding myself?
why do i have to keep slapping myself awake?
reality check.
nothing's gonna happen.
WAKE UP!

had church today. candlelight svc.
AWESOME CANDLELIGHT SVC.
too bad i cant see much from my view. too short D:
i wished candlelight svc would last longer...
i miss the beauty of it...

this year's x'mas is not that good i guess D:
i hate having a job cuz i lack freedom.
trust me. hmwrk is WAY better.

how i wish i can d hmwrk and earn money.
*sigh*

may God bless next week.
let it be a great one.

slaps myself awake.
back to reality!
turn back to reality!

2010-12-18T12:28:00.001+08:00

Verse 1

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
Verse 2

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
Chorus

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Verse 3

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

Chorus

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Chorus

I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
//////////////////////////////////

back in time

2010-12-15T11:09:00.007+08:00

Catch a Grenade?

hey.
how's things?
hmm.. kinda miss the HSCS ppl again!
rlly loved the pref chalet. although it was only for a night.
rlly miss the alumnus and our prefects too! (i mean our batch)
it was really fun! was laughing and laughing and laughing.

i wonder if this will ever happen at my workplace or even in poly.
you see,
there's always a constant fear of not having the "almost same" environment i've already gotten used to.
i'd really want to have the HSC feel again.
the ppl etc etc.
*sigh*

looked at the e1 photos too!
darn i miss those ppl!

hehee! been through thick and thin with them..
haix!
next gathering is...
e1 chalet! I WISH I DONT HAVE TO WORK ON THOSE DAYS!
DARNNNN! D:
like WHY MANNNN!!
total regrets.

i guess im not looking forward to poly days afterall?
sigh sigh sigh...

not really enjoying my holis i guess?

you reap what you sow.
but at what expense?
what do you lose
to reap what you sow?

2010-12-12T16:52:00.005+08:00

Don't want an ending.

hey!

here are some 2e3 '08 chalet photos =]

while getting ready for BBQ!

the fire starters

nice fire we've got!

and yea.. it rained

when the rain got a little heavy.. we abandoned the bbq pit!

and of cuz, ate what we cooked.. after all, this is called you reap what you sow! haha!

the debris after the rain.

and we started the fire again!

yes, the food!

cook cook cook!

best, the aluminum foil caught fire.

our big mess!

bbq chicken and prawns (fresh!)

i think this is day 2 stuff from here ^

yeappx! :D that's all the pics i can find.. for the 2nd day..

day 3 went to seoul garden
with leon fir and nut..
err leon was the first to be full (XP)
total, we ate/drank bout 50+ dishes! whoohoo!

^^

also wrote some stuff on the white ball for new year!

there! 1 week gone just like that!

well.. and i got a new job. not as excited though.

I Will Follow You Into The Dark

2010-12-10T11:26:00.004+08:00

follow me into the dark....

well.. no more work..
no more 2e3 'o8 chalet..

sometimes, i ask why things start and end so quickly..
this is a period of time when i just wished that time could slow down..
that time could stretch..
that things could last a little longer.
how can 3 days end just like that?!
isn't it too fast for us?
i really miss my class D:

really thank God for such a lovely class..
after getting "separated" for 2 years,
we're not even treating each other like strangers.
there's no awkwardness among each of us.
it's as if...
we are still in the same class.

really wonder why things happen..
darn i miss HSCS ppl D:

i wonder if we are still as friendly and close to one another
10 years later..
20 years later...
...

D:

I LOVE 2E3 'o8 and 4E1'10 FOREVA!

things just happen.
embrace them.

Regrets?

2010-12-06T08:59:00.004+08:00

just one decision.
one action.
one mistake.

well.. im outta job again. it'd only been what.. 2 weeks..?
crap but it feels like 2 months have gone! argh! been so tired =_=
well.. kinda quit liao..
haha! my sats will be free then!
SIAN i missed svc on sat DDDDDDD:
*sobsob*
IM SO SAD-ED! D:
was grumbling to myself while folding clothes! haha!

haha! sat was crazy for me.
got a scolding early in the morning (oopx)
and the crowd was crazy.. haha
weekends are horrible! HAHA!
i almost became a broken tape recorder..
every 1 min (!) i repeated the same 2 phrases over and over again! LOL
tsktsk!
now i know how horrible it is to work. =_=

soooo....
yester wa my last day.
haha got a few funny customers..
and a few superbly nice ones :D
ahh makes the last day great yeappx! :D

kinda felt a tinge of regret when i walked out of the store.
haha my colleagues (well.. only 2 of them who are closer to me and knew i was leaving.. among the.. i dunno? many tens of staff?) pouted and gave the "sad" face...
aww..
had a little "drama" feel..
almost wanted to cry lorrr.. i really miss then MANNN!
DDDDDDDDDDD':
don't even know if they bother to remember me/my name.. sigh..

it really makes me wonder..
am i giving up?
why can't i persevere?
it seems like working is okay?
now what?
well.. i know i shouldnt regret.. i just hope things will go well..

lol! btw met a few TP students there..
one of them is like my (next year's) senior in some apparel design course..
weirdly, another colleague whom i've never talked to also heard that i got into TP interior design O.o
info spreads FAST!
think he'll be my senior..
but they wont remember me right? :P

haha!

kk.. i think you're getting bored liao.. gonna have 2e3 '08 chalet tmr!
i CANT WAIT! i miss you guys and i just wanna have FUN! :D
wished that everyone could come though D:

treasure the people God places in your life...
treasure every memory God gives to you...
treasure the agape LOVE from God...
treasure the LOVE you've received from those who love and care for you...
this is what makes life so much better...
i guess?

PROM

2010-11-25T10:22:00.002+08:00

sad moments should have been shorter
while fun moments should have been longer.
but they are totally reversed.
why?
to let us treasure the fun moments
and to make them even more precious to us..
but still..
if only we could change it..

yo!
yester was OFF DAY! :DDD
and PROMMMMMMMMM!!! (yay~)
haha! loved it..

kinda went to cas' house yester to change 1st (well.. dun wanna be the only one going to crown plaza wearing until like.. WHOA!
so yeapp!
cab-ed to T3 crown plaza lobby and kinda waited for the guys! haha! they look so great!
lol.. i feel like =___= cuz i never do anything to my hair or put any make up XP (too lazy lurh)
hmm...
took quite a few pics (although i could have taken more!)
FORGET TO TAKE PICS AT THE PHOTO BOOTH LURH!
AIIIIYAAA WASTED! haix!

food was.. so-so... taste quite towards the extreme.. lol :P
and DARN! they were testing out etiquette skills again (we fail damn badly btw)
guess our main course was bread!
i think bread's the BEST! (who agrees? haha!)
LOL! we were all snatching the bread lor.. ahahhaha!

host was fun! bernard! duh it'll fun! :D
gotta take off my shoe for the 1st game..
and i was like saying "can i have me shoe back~"
heheh!
2nd game was rambo!
class sabo-ed JS
( HONESTLY didnt know what was gonna happen until TW told us)
LOL! quite funny lah!
then kinda had to judge rambo by amount of armpit hair =__=
LOL?
quite fun though!
well, the dance floor was overcrowded.. but fun bah?
camwhore-d with the ppl..
and after the dinner.. we just sat outside and talked for a moment.
:D love my class ppl C: *muacks*
they are lovely! *muacks muacks*

sj's dad drove us (me, alvin.. and sj of cuz) home
talked to them about my job :D
haha! then when we reached my house..
i kinda said "thank you (in uni qlo tune)"
"oopx! almost said 'hope to see you again'!" tsk!

lol...
wished that prom lasted longer..
like another day or so..
i really miss 4e1 '10 and the bunch of ppl :D
wished this year would never end.. wished that things could've been much longer..
wished that happy moments last longer than sad moments.. who would've known!
4 hours past so quickly! D:

wanna thank:
PROM COMMITTEE
MDM TAN
BERNARD
HSCS PPL
MR TOH and our class CHERS
4e1 '10

for making prom night so wonderful!
*muack muacks muacks!*
love you guys LOADS!
i'm already missing all the fun we had :C

not all the pics have been uploaded.. got a few though. :D

Will we ever see each other again?
will we ever have the same type of fun
we had in the past 2 years?
or will we be strangers in the future?

work

2010-11-24T11:42:00.002+08:00

hi!
it's been looong!
been working for only 2 days and buai tahan liao
sigh...

quite a ahrd job.. and i really learn how to appreciate a lot of things lor..
like resting time..
time using the comp.
sleep.
time with friends (thank God colleagues are friendly and nice)
time with family.
time with CG.
time to go svc.
time to eat slowly.
time to play during holis.
the neatness of stalls.
the svc they give in the outlet..(even if they took a LONG time to find a piece of clothing.. don't be mad a them.. cuz they really have been trying HARD to find it... no one understands. not until they work there.)
appreciate lotsa things...
i appreciate school life (even during holis)
i appreciate break times.

been really tired working for 9hrs (+1hr 30 min of break) in 2 straight days.
veh cui liao..
run here and there.
im not really happy there.. D:
*at least got handsome guy and very very very nice colleagues*
:D got nice colleagues there that WILL help you out! lovely lovely lovely!
haix! hope to see someone i know there anyway.. just come and visit.. buy some clothes.. i mean NUTHING.... and talk to me or something... :D
i'll really appreciate it! ^^ LOLOLOL!

okay.. i've learnt! after browsing and looking at clothings, i SHOULD ALWAYS fold then nicely instead of throwing them at one area and thinking that the ppl there can do the job.. it's not easy nor nice i tell ya! hahahaha!
haix!and if i DON'T wanna buy the clothes, i should NOT try it out... haix.
yeapp.

it's not as easy as you think it is.
things are not that simple outside.
haha been protected by school and stuff...
NOW YOU KNOW.
haix.. i really miss my class.
the 2 days felt like 2 weeks have gone..

*im tired.
i wish they could understand.

new day

2010-11-22T08:44:00.003+08:00

i love this song!

well..today's the 1st day of work..
got sooo freaked out that i couldnt sleep last night X(
sian!
super scared leh! i've got NO one i know.. X(
haix! must think positive.. but i dunno how!!!
lol! the only way is to play P&W songs in my head... hmm...
that's why this song is stuck in my head! :D
sang it during CG! whooohoooo!
i LOVE CG and SVC!
SAT IS THE BEST DAY EVER!!! :DDDD

lol! well.. got to know ppl from CJ's CG...
Yu Da... Abraham (sp?) and errr... heheh! im not good with name. but i remember faces easily :D Of course i know CJ and Rainft (i still think "rainft" the name is soooo cool!)
really nice ppl! :D

heheee!

i hope that things will go well today!
so many things have been going on as soon as O's is/are over.
some things need "attention" immediately before i have no more time.
others... are just things i choose to ignore.
the rest, i wished that i could reverse the effects.

so many things i'd like to change.
i had what seemed like "freedom" for less than a week.
and here i am, beginning all the work again!

guess im a workaholic kinda person? XP
sian! i have no life =__=
k fine.. i also wanna earn some money.

"No one truly knows who I really am.
They recognise the mask that covers my true self.
But who can see within this "me"
and understand "me"?

So what should i say to you?"

terrified?

2010-11-19T18:21:00.004+08:00

TERRIFIED
You, by the light
Is the greatest find
In a world full of wrong
You're the thing that's right

Finally made it through the lonely
To the other side

You set it again, my heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I'm in love
And I'm terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only life

And this could be good
It's already better than that
And nothing's worse
Than knowing you're holding back

I could be all that you needed
If you let me try

You set it again, my heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I'm in love
And I'm terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only

I only said it 'cause I mean it
I only mean 'cause it's true
So don't you doubt what I've been dreaming
'Cause it fills me up and holds me close whenever I'm without you

You set it again, my heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I'm in love
And I'm terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only life

In my only life
//////////////////////////////

I'm terrified.

maybe..
i AM terrified now actually.. not in the lovey way (as shown in the song)
i AM working all alone... nobody i know :C
of course im terrified.
no one i can really rely on for help.
and if i screw anything.. that's kinda like not good.
somehow, it seems a little unfair.. but what's done, is done.
there's nothing else i can do right?
regrets...
i don't know.

im not the type of person who's all hyper and all..
when im with strangers (i mean EVERYONE's a stranger)
i tend to be quiet.
like the shadow, the one that gets un-noticed.
1 thing im terrified of is to go back to the past when i am too quiet..
that it becomes a bother...
a BIG problem.
that's a life i AM terrified of really.

lonely isnt good for the health :C
and i don't know if i can get along with ANYONE!
im a shy type of person. (crazy only when i know you)

sometimes, i wish that the world isnt so big after all..
i wish that it is smaller.
that i know many ppl..
that everyone knows me.
i wish that there ARE people i can trust.
well.. not when EVERYONE's NEW!
yes i AM SCARED!

yea i know it's kinda like something ppl will laugh at.
but it's true for me.
i fear loneliness!
D:

sigh...
if only...

i am terrified
of being lonely.

After O's

2010-11-18T17:14:00.002+08:00

hii! hheh! darn the after O's life is sooo dull =__=

got contacts samples PLUS consultation.
mannn contacts not easy to wear orh! XP
kinda hard! lol! still a lil like.. i dunno. my body's natural reaction to anything new..
is to reject it! lol taht includes contacts.
can take out =_= cannot put in =_= =_=
diaoz!

yeappx! today's stuff are officially done! now for tomorrow! hahahaha!
mannn! :D

really love the shop i went to for my contacts.
they have EXCELLENT svc! unlike the others which im not gonna state! haix!
lol. help me clean my specs for "free"! lol! i pai seh leh! haha!

anyway, since im determined, i'll try my best (which i already am) to get used to contacts. still feeling weird occasionally but i guess they're ok bah! :D
anyway, not like nobody knows. im as stubborn as a bull (did i use this correctly?)
i have my dad' genes (for those who retake CL, you'll know wht i mean)
when i want something, i'll go all out to get it! :D
whoohooo!
just wait! and see!

ahahahhohohohoho! :D

job. kinda scared of it XP really! gotta have to work extra-ly hard for it yeapp?
im gonna give all my best! do come to somerset to find me (if i AM working there.. as in confirmed) and yeappx! haha!

must remember to say thank you and you're welcome!! hehehhe! one of my goals for the end of the year in serving others! :D

lol. life's full of challenges and fears.
face it!
even if it's difficult.
even if it takes time.
face it!
and live a life without regrets.

and remember,
enjoy every tiniest bit that life has to offer! :D

FREEDOM-ED 2 days ago.

2010-11-17T09:04:00.002+08:00

yo! free from anything.
yet feeling a little empty inside. darn i wanna go back to school XP
play with my friends and stuff..

lo.. simple wrap up of yester (yes. it was a little bit boring)
went out with BRO (instead of class! what is this! no class outing D: LOL)
to watch megaminds. (I MISSED the fun part to answer a phone call and got a job at uni qlo! somerset! whoo!
darn but i still wanna watch the nice part! darn darn darn! XP bleh!
oh wells.. bro paid for it! ahahaha!

then went around looking at clothes.
gotta call contact lens later.

i got my whole this week's schedule messed up too! wth am i supp to do tmr???????

yeappx!

have FUN ppl during the Holis! NO MORE HOMEWORK! FTW!

freedom!!! ... soon

2010-11-12T10:13:00.004+08:00

Canon in D!! :D always love this!

the end of a chapter..
is the beginning of a new chapter..
how true indeed.

(haha try listening to the song and reading at the same time.. maybe it'll be more "inspirational-feel kinda thing. ahaha!)
haha! Fin 2nd last Os paper.
overjoyed?
i dunno..
it kinda seems like the end of Os really marks the end of your sec sch life.
not that i dun want it to end.. i just want it o lentghen a bit more..
it just seems like i've not done enough..
haha! so incomplete.
ohwells!

gotta move on with life whether you like it or not.

currently "studying" and searching for a job :D
i seriously hope i can get a job :)
hmm..

in a dilemma lahhh.. dunno fi i should enjoy or work.. haix.! :D

cheers to all of you! esp those who have fin their papers!
may you have a lovely holiday! :D
and a wonderful beginning to a new chapter! :DD

and to my class! CHIONG AND JY FOR THE LAST PAPER!

the beginning.

2 more days

2010-11-11T12:31:00.002+08:00

this is what i feel when i graduate from HS

this is what i feel like doing after Os.

errr.. i just think this is nice :D

hi! O's are almost OVER! 2 more papers.
searching for job now actually... tehheee... :D

mannn Os are okay.. hmmm... I LOST 4 MARKS TODAY XP
haix..

lololololol!
just keep on keeping on..
had a lovely morning walking to sch and thinking..
and praying :D
it's a lovely morning indeed! :P

cheers!

"one day...

i will not regret.."

2010-11-05T22:24:00.002+08:00

im sorry. just couldnt take it!
just came to say hi!

im still alive but mugging like mad..

Os is killing me! haix!

brain is saturated.

and i gotta go.. SS! killer!

2010-10-20T11:02:00.001+08:00

Heart, don't fail me now!
Courage, don't desert me!
Don't turn back now that we're here.
People always say
Life is full of choices.
No one ever mentions fear!
Or how the world can seem so vast
On a journey ... to the past.

Somewhere down this road
I know someone's waiting
Years of dreams just can't be wrong!
Arms will open wide.
I'll be safe and wanted
Fin'lly home where I belong.
Well, starting now, I'm learning fast
On this journey to the past

Home, Love, Family.
There was once a time
I must have had them, too.
Home, Love, Family,
I will never be complete
Until I find you...

One step at a time,
One hope, then another,
Who knows where this road may go
Back to who I was,
On to find my future.
Things my heart still needs to know.
Yes,
Let this be your sign,
Let this road be mine!
Let it lead me to my past
And bring me home...
At last!
//////////////////////////////////

anastasia movie craze!

2010-10-15T23:06:00.003+08:00

We were strangers starting out on our journey
Never dreaming what we'd have to go through
Now here we are and I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected what you did to my heart
When I lost hope you were there to remind me
This is the start

(chorus)
And Life is a road and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road now and forever
A Wonderful journey

I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

(chorus)

I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
I know that my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart

(chorus)

In the end I wanna be standing at the beginning with you
////////////////////////////////////

truly, there's so much i want to say.. words just cant express how much HSC and HSian are to me.
really even if didnt cry.. but i'll still feel v sad.
you guys mean loads to me!

i'll write a letter to you guuys.. ro blog post.. im SORRY if i cant write much now cuz of Os! i promise i'll write something after Os okay?

now, blog will be very dead till after Os! so sorry! but i PROMISE i'll revive it after Os! PROMISE is sealed! :D

for now,

ALL THE BEST MY DEAREST FRIENDS!
MAY YOU ACHIEVE YOUR DESIRED RESULTS!
AND ENJOY WHATEVER YOU DO!
DON'T GIVE UP! :D
LOVE YOU! :P
*muacks!*

I've started from the beginning of this chapter.
now, i've almost come to the end.
truly, if i could,
i'll re-read this entire book of my sec sch life.
but it will not be exciting anymore.
it'll be meaningless,
knowing the events that are about to happen.
it's time to move on the next book of my life (series)
but i'd dare to say that this has been the longest,
filled with great moments,
lovely,
interesting,
heart-warming,
joyful,
bittersweet
"b000ook" up till now!

may the last few pages leave me with
everlasting memories
that will be embedded in my heart!
cheers to all!

the beginning has ended.
and another beginning is a bout to start.

Lean on me

2010-10-10T22:30:00.001+08:00

Um um um um
um um um um
um um um um um x2

Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me!
when you're not strong
and I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
for it won't be long
'till I'm gonna need
somebody to lean on

Please! (please)
swallow your pride (pride)
if I have things
you need to borrow
(For) for no one can fill
those of your needs
that you wont let show

So just call (call) on me brother (hey)
when you need a hand (When you need a hand)
we all need (need) somebody to lean on!
(I just might have a problem)
I just might have a problem that you'll understand
we all need somebody to lean on!

Lean on me (hey)
when you're not strong (When you're not strong)
I'll be your friend (I'll be your friend)
I'll help you carry on (help you carry on)
for it wont be long (o it wont be long)
'till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on

(Just lean on me) you just call on me brother (hey)
when you need a hand (when you need a hand)
we all need (need) somebody to lean on! (somebody to lean on)
(I just might) I just might have a problem that you'll understand
we all need somebody to lean on!
Lean on me

If (If)
there is a load! (there is a load)
you have to bare (you have to bare)
that you can't carry
I'm (I'm higher) right up the road
I'll share your load
if you just call me

Call me (I'm calling)
Call me (when you need a friend)
Call me (call me)
Call me (call me) (when you need a friend)
Call me (when you need a friend)
Call me (if you need a friend)
Call me (any time of day
Call me

It won't be long till I'm Gonna need somebody to lean on, lean on, lean on
lean on lean on lean on me when you need a friend
lean on lean on lean on me lean on me
lean on lean on lean on me
I'm gonna need (somebody) somebody to lean on
I'm gonna need somebody to lean on (somebody to lean on)
Yeah
/////////////////////////////////

lovely song.. ahah! so suitable for grad night.

i need somebody to lean on.

2010-10-08T21:44:00.005+08:00

isnt it funny how so many things seem to happen just yesterday..
but the truth is that they have already happened days/weeks/months ago.
our memories simple make it seem like the past is just..
well.. not so "far" from now.

hey. it's juts 1 week before the real end of school.
something we've wanted years ago..
but now..
we dread it when it is coming.
sometimes, i really wonder if i've spent my sec sch life well..
whether it's been..
good enough?
since we only get to have a sec sch life for ONCE and only ONCE!
haix.. i sure do wish that we can all go back in time.
that we can control whatever that is happening.
choose what we want to do, where we want to do/go,
when we want to do anything.
but sure life's not like that.
haix.

and the irritating thing is..
most of us would want to spend the last few days of sec sch life with our friends, but then we have to mug for our exams. how horrible it is!

haix... i'll really miss hai sing life..
you knowwwww....
when mr tan was talking bout the last few times greeting him..
and the last time bal bla bla..
and all bout sch ending kinda thing, i really wanted to cry :'C
i'll really really miss HSC once we graduate.
haix!
i have a feeling i WILL cry.
D:
guess i simply love HSC now that i think about it! :D
haha! i've totally changed in HSC too!

i guess HSC IS part of my life and will always be part of it ^^

then, to move on to the next part of life.

poly.

in my book,

another chapter ends, yet again.
haha! it's been the best chapter ever.
wish that i can re-read it
wish that i can re-live it.
wish that it will all miraculously occur again,
maybe not in real life,
but at least in my dreams.
but nothing will ever be real again.
And it's time to move on t the next chapter.
i wonder what adventures i'll have next.

we'll just have to see

... ...

we'll just have to see.

it's cooooming ~

2010-10-03T10:00:00.004+08:00

everything..
man this song is nice.
but somehow, sad at the same time.

whee!
it's really really REALLY fast!
Os wills tart in bout 3 weeks' time!
isnt it fast??
and i still remember the 1st day of the year.. dreading that THE day is like... sooo far away...
haha! and come to think of it, i wish i can go back in time.
it's really gonna end soon! sec sch life! after grad night, it'll really really be the end!!
:'C
darn i'll miss this whole HSC life/ culture ya know!
haix!
and it's like, what i really wanna do now, is not to study for Os but to spend most of my time just to play with ppl i know in sch..

like i said earlier on, i'll really really miss 4e1'10, 2e3 'o8, prefects, band and... well all the fun we had in sch.

it's quite funny though, when there are like so many things that happen that keeps ion reminding you that your sch life ends this year.
like.. when we prepare the sec3s for their next role
or when we step down from prefects and band.
then there is the CCA commendation day.
and soon, grad night.
and the last day of Os.
then prom night.
and.. that's IT!
sec sch life is complete, whether you like it or not!
so why not spend the rest of your time, in the midst of studying, enjoy the class atmosphere.
enjoy the sch! and new aircon roomS!!
hah!
then we move on to JCs/poly and the whole thing starts again! =_=
a bit sian leh

ohh wells!

love love love love, phileo! :D

few words, lovely song

2010-09-27T22:40:00.002+08:00

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Her nails, her nails
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know, you know
Id never ask you to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then just stay the same

So don't even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

The way you are
The way you are
Girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are
//////////////////////////////

A song could cheer up a person.
this is how powerful songs are i guess?

haix.. blog thing has a few prob.
pardon if the post's in italic.. cant seem to get it to normal mode.

okay. so i've received MOST of my papers. and true enough. i am POORER in my language.
well.. predictable.
i am a science-y person.
so it's expected. but i still wanna do well!!!
haix!

i want foooooooood now. lol oopx random.

been making lotsa careless mistakes for my prelims.. aiiiiyyyaah! so careless!
haix... hope i can do well..
last few weeks ler!
BUT SO SIANNNNNNN!!!!!
DONT WANNA STUDY ANYMORE! SIANNNNN!! LOL
who agrees with me?
haha!

yea.. hope you guys are doing well.
im kinda tired now.
and cant sign up for hp twitter.
so not tweeeting! HMPH!
soo want iphone. LOL
gonna get it (i hope) in nov.. like FINALLY!

and omg how to cure pimple outbreak!
eevrytime after spending looong time under the sun, will have pimple outbreak der.
D: so ugly! XP

have to get rid of them before grad night and look good during prom!
good luck! HAHA!

and darn! i really wanna go church today!
EVERYDAY! hahah~!

"When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are"
these sweet words would surely melt someone's heart.

2010-09-26T00:05:00.002+08:00

Once I have turned my face from Thee

Once I have turn my face from thee
Yet you sought and you cleanse me
Made me whole again.
Jesus my saviour, my beloved and friend.
Your praises, I'll bring, from my heart, I'll sing

Chorus
Draw me O Draw me away
Messiah, today, to your presence to stay..
Oh Jesus now change me,
And mould me, that I can be
Ever more true to thee

2nd Stanza
You are the shepherd of my heart
You have brought me to your chamber
My master and king
You light up may darkness
And you gave me your word
That'll you never forsake me
Nor no ever will leave me
////////////////////////////////////

How meaningful.
really melted my heart when i 1st heard it!

realise

2010-09-25T23:46:00.000+08:00

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)

Yeah
I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this
Cause after all the partyin' and smashin' and crashin'
And all the glitz and the glam and the fashion
And all the pandemonium and all the madness
There comes a time where you fade to the blackness
And when you're staring at that phone in your lap
And you hoping but them people never call you back
But that's just how the story unfolds
You get another hand soon after you fold
And when your plans unravel
And they sayin' what would you wish for
If you had one chance
So airplane airplane sorry I'm late
I'm on my way so don't close that gate
If I don't make that then I'll switch my flight
And I'll be right back at it by the end of the night

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)

Somebody take me back to the days
Before this was a job, before I got paid
Before it ever mattered what I had in my bank
Yeah back when I was tryin' to get into the subway
And back when I was rappin' for the hell of it
But now a days we rappin' to stay relevant
I'm guessin that if we can make some wishes outta airplanes
Then maybe yo maybe I'll go back to the days
Before the politics that we call the rap game
And back when ain't nobody listened to my mix tape
And back before I tried to cover up my slang
But this is for the Cada, what's up Bobby Ray
So can I get a wish to end the politics
And get back to the music that started this sh-t
So here I stand and then again I say
I'm hopin' we can make some wishes outta airplanes

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////

through nothing but love.

Hey! well.. BACK HERE~
gonna do math SOOOON! i hate math again :S LOL
okay!

hmm.. i guess these few days been well, not so bad!
there's so much that i want to say, yet i just can't say it here. haha!
what i feel bout certain things.
(not bad things lah. but things that i come to realise and want to share)
the deep desire to really do something out of LOVE for ppl!
great commandment.
loving ppl feverently. (sp)
to really.. help others just because.. i want to help them.

and i guess i've been given a chance to do so! why not? :D

yea!

OH OH! and auntie going USA!
then can prob get Ed Hardy shirt for like S$20-$30 money~
WHOO like 80% cheaper!
i am a typical s'porean! haha! kiasu! LOL :D
i cant wait!

i just want to believe.
will YOU help me to believe?

Monday CLASS OUTING!

2010-09-21T18:48:00.005+08:00

Had our class outing yester cuz there was no sch!
1 day to relax! phew!
haha!
outing started at 9am and ended at 7pm! wheee!
went to sentosa in the mornng.
haha went walking around.
saw few ang mohs surprisingly! teheheee :DD
then had lunch at vivo.
went to marina barrage later.
and had a wonderful class bonding session (impromptu) when the string got totally screwed up and yea..
tangled into a bunch of dunno what.
saw 4-6 wedding couples there,
and i learn how to fly a kite.
not forgetting.
i got a horrible HORRIBLE tan after that!

pics below and on FB! well, a pic tells a thousand words right?

start of the day at habour front, vivo

taking our sentosa train! well.. waiting for it.

at the BEACH! nice sunny hot beach!

Do Re Mi! sadly, im the "mi" (see! im pouting. so sad! pardon me!)

GROUP PIC! the white guys! haha!

PIC 2!

Girl POWER! LOL! okay.. we are not as macho as we seem. heheh!

wash up and ready to leave. bout 12+? and it was gonna rain XC

lunch! my pepper beef meal! yum yumm! haha! with my hair pinned up cuz i was burnt! i look bald!

train-ing to Marina Bay! bag carried at the front cuz of very bad tan on the back! oww!

kah heng's Bat red kite! helped me get it up into the sky! and it flew flew flew away! LOL! i was holding on the the string lah! and did pretty well! :D not bad for a first timer!

me, elaine, miko!

us gettign ready for pic! ready... get set....

SHOOT! heheh! nice kite eh? thx to kah heng our "wonderful" chairperson! LOL

PIC PIC PIC!

see the bunch of strings on the ground, yea.. they are horrible tangled up.. that's just a portion of it! another feww... lemme see.. 100++++++m to go? LOL!
tried to untangle it for an hour PLUS! haha! didnt manage to do so.

then went home and i tell you!
the COLD WATER ROCKS!

went to sch today and got back results.. but i gig now..
next time then talk bah!

bye!

OWWW!

sat after prelims :C C:

2010-09-19T00:01:00.005+08:00

love love love! LOL

for the 1st time,
almost failed SS and i didnt cry! ^^

haha!.. yea did quite badly for SS lah.. misinterpret 1 SEQ question and score 4/13 marks.. BRAVO! lol!

but i guess there's a purpose for everything lah! :D
so i'm not gonna try..
well, these past few weeks/months been talking bout trusting God more.
so i guess i AM learning it!
i trust God with my prelim results that all of these happen for a purpose bah.
and i shall stay optimistic!
:D
well.. okay.. so may feel sad.. but i'll try to be optimistic!
:D :) :] :P ^^

cant wait for class outing!
haha!

and i love to love eat and pray! heheheeee! :P

kk.. im tired now.. whole day go out!
laughed so much..
at sherman's joke.. and gee geee (ming hunag) very bad XP

quote of the day:
all of them very bad leh
...
...
...
but i like *thumbs up*

i will believe even in times of crisis.
i will obey.

finally

2010-09-16T14:50:00.004+08:00

missing something...
oh yea!
Fun!
=]

haix.. time really flies.. a few days ago, it was the so-called holis.
a few weeks ago, was the start of exams!
now it's ending.

and look! our last exam for this school is Os! how "lovely" is that!

anyway, phy is sooo dead..
i can say bye bye to my lovely desired results.
haix..
hate it so much! i mean phy.
*oops!*

so yea.. yester wasnt a good day..
paper was hrrible ttm.
i predict, more than half the cohort fails phy!
i predict.
okay.. so maybe not fail..
like 10% get A2 and above only?
of cuz i know where i stand.. haha (the bottom few)

and today was AM p2 and Bio P1
okay..after chionging through math, i realise i can do fin papers in bout 1 hour (EMP1) to 1.5hr for the other 3 papers. not bad.. but got careless mistakes here and there.. but still manage to squeeze in some time to check :D (darn typing is hard with a guitar on the lap)
so left with 2 more papers to gooo.. *whoohoo!*

chem and phy P1.. chem and phy..
phy~ grrr...
not v optimistic bout that..
and OMG for ONCE phy is HARDER than CHEM!
this is a hidden miracle in a disaster, all thrown together and jumbled up.
but nonetheless, it still sux.

:) (smiles)

well.. there's nothing else you can do but smile and stay optimistic rite?

haix..
cant wait for cg and svc again! AND SENTOSAAAaAAAAaaAaaAA! :D

but think bout the last 2 papers 1st..
sian no mood to study liaozzzz... =_=zzzzzz
gotta push and kick myself to get started..
and obviously, using the comp isnt helping at all.
(hi everyone who's coming online now.. "relaxing" for a while :D)

hope your day's great! :D
byebye~

Sunshine after the rain, it is and shall be and will be!

the last day

2010-09-12T19:49:00.003+08:00

optimism?

okay...
this is getting horrible..
-ly boring..

haix.. this is the i dunno wat-th time im reading/looking at the same thing..
it's getting tooo sian.. =_=

so yea.. spent my day.. well.. chionging through whatever i can chiong with..
although i don't really see any point in doing so.. hmmmmm...
lunch was boring enough.. went through some stuff...
dinner at changi vill.. yum!!

then now im here using the comp.. gonna go off pretty soon...

so anyway, woke up feeling quite UN-optimistic.. v. tired AND sian..
if i''ve not mentioned sian many times before a holi starts..
but yea.. really felt better after washing up ^^
whoohooo! i prayed for 30min last night.. till 1.30am! not bad :D
and i guess pastor phil's message yester was rlly so good ^^
so today i'm feeling good.. not too sure bout the next few days if you know what i mean.
and then, there'll be AR BERNARD AGAINNNN! :D wheee!
i wonder what's the word in season.. hmm ^^
but i'm sure it'll be good ^^
so yea..

and i was thinking of planning a prayer meeting at bt's just after our prelims on sat. ^^
hmm.. i wonder if it'll work ^^

and i quite like paul's story about his dream about the ghost which seemed like it was real.. quite nice and interesting..
and comforting too! hehee!

aaaaanyway,
it;s not been good..

i wonder if i'm immune to the stress that i dun feel anything,
or i just couldnt care less..

either or, it's good AND bad.. ^^
face it, exams are coming fullstop.
so yea.. gonna go... mugging again ^^
while listening to hillsong songs..
mannnn they are awesome..
listened for the entire day without getting bored of it ^^

whoohoo it's sooo "fun!"
i'm "enjoying it already!!" *waves hands in the air..*

=_=

*The comfort and peace.
I wanna cling on to it,
forever.
can I?*

2010-09-12T00:50:00.002+08:00

Weirdly, i love the night
.. but i love the day too!
at night, the start and moon looks so pretty int he dark dark sky.
it's time to rest at night.
it's peaceful at night.

but in the day, it's when everything brightens up.
when colours fill the area.
when we feel the warmth of the sun.
it's when God's light beautifies the area.

God paints the BEST, different pictures all around the word, every single day!
take some time, to look at the sun rise.
look at the sky, the clouds, the ocean!
look at the sun set.
look at the creations all around!

that's why i love Him^^
He brightens up my day, every single day :D

heheh!
today's cg and svc was good..
actually, after the chinese Os results, i got pretty upset and erased all my dreams.
but during cg, well, i'm encouraged to re-write my dreams ont hat little board.
truly, maybe the time is not right yet.

haha!

then svc with phil pringle was AWESOME!
totally filled and excited.
the solutions are already prepared even before we encounter the problem.
so there's nothing to worry about!

trusting in You :D

love You!
:D
haha! :D

good bye and good night
*yawns*

wanna experience God's beauty tmr!
heheh!

goodnight ppl! :)

it'll come to past.

Dreams

2010-09-10T09:30:00.004+08:00

let's just say...
what if?

hmmm.. been a little behind schedule.. which isnt that good after all.. haix.
and today's a holi in a holi!
but will be spending most of the time.. well... you know.... studying in this mugger life.
the only free time to relax is cg meeting.. oooh! ^^
hmm.. 6pm at bt's house.. that gives me more time to study chem on sat before going for svc!
wow! in my mind, it's just thinking of time, time and time.
need more time, squeeze more time..
sometimes, if wonder if i'll pay for more time if time is buy-able.
hmmm interesting.

well.. currently been thinking (time before i sleep) of the design in my house AND my bro's future cafe.
quite nice to imagine actually.
lying on the couch-y bed in the 'entertainment' room, staring at the night sky (ceiling is made of glass.. those type use in specs.. ic ant remember what it's called.. trans-something)
then there's little bar top, with a tv.. turned off of course.
table top thingy of the bar area is black in colour; where the shelves are, there's a little bit of light coming from behind the shelves.
then maybe a pool table (this is, i mean, if i AM rich enough)
the nice carpet.
walls also made of glass.
nice interesting light.
lighting's a bit dim.
the area is a little dark, yet not tooo dark..
very cosy feeling.
ooh air-con-ed!
and then, there's music in the background.
maroon 5, rhythm del mundo songs, teddy geiger...

well, in my bro's cafe, it's at night too.
there's tables outside.
the trees outside are deco with those light thingy that ppl use for x'mas trees!
light of colours blue and white.
in the cafe, it's almost how should i say, yellowish light? hmm.. not too bright.. at least not white light.
and then there's those relaxing songs being played.
ppl are talking and laughing.
the waiter and waitress and the boss (bro) are talking in a very nice and friendly manner.
the area smells so strongly of coffeeee... freshly brewed coffee..

haix..

one day, this will allll come true.. ^^
but it's gonna take a while now.. XP

OKAY! FOCUS ON Os FIRST! ALL THESE CAN WAIT!

maybe i should draw/design another room just after prelims to relax and enjoy ^^
yea.. i should :D

okie.. byebye!
(and this is the reason why i can't do descriptive writing)

wishlist for the After Os exp

2010-09-09T10:24:00.003+08:00

talented beyond talented!

wished i could play a guitar like that!

before i start on revision again..
in the no life routine..

i shall write down my wish list AFTER the Os:
1. work and earn some pocket money.
2. get contacts (preferably before Os)
3. dye my hair maroon or v. dark blue (only can be seen under the light)
4. learn guitar from someone. tabs i mean.
5. learn piano (okay looking for someone to teach me)
6. learn how to prepare some nice food! ^^ i shall start with crepe
7. SHOP for poly "uniformS" :P
8. learn DOTA! (:D anyone willing to try teach me?)
9. make some cards for the ppl i know in HSC.. gonna take a loong time.
10.try to sell my txtbks at a higher price.. ahahaha! just joking..
11.find out more bout Strikeforce and maybe join em! ^^
12.watch Gleeeeeeeee
13.get myself a proper laptop? and webcam + mic.
14.cant stop at 13, it's not good!
*smells homemade chicken rice from neighbour.. yum*
15.do more drawings for ID... ahh the inspiration. maybe try out some ID software? ^^
16.spend everyday of my holi PROPERLY.. not slacking at hme.

16 things to do.
make it 15.
haha all after Os.. (except the contacts. shall try to hint hint my bro to get 1 for my early b'day ^^ i'm pretty good at hinting :D well, if i cant get past my parents getting me contacts,,,,, heheee :D)

most impt, I WANNA LEARN HOW TO PLAY THE GUITAR NICELY! and PIANO TOO! be good at music without the theory.. trust me, my theory ain't that good!

okay.. back to work.. URGH! just when i was feeling so good bout the AFTER Os exp. =__=

*argh! either the comp is crazy, or glenn keeps on signing in and out and in and out =___=*

bye~

Trust

2010-09-08T22:19:00.004+08:00

Will you trust me?

okays.. so im not too happy now.. phy is HORRIBLE! supp to be studying now.. BUT IT's HORRIFYING! the textbook is like a monster.. and the file.. omg.. i have a pretty bad feeling i'll be stuffing my face right into the whole stack of papers..
horror!

XP

how?

and Os are coming REAL soon.. REAL REAL soon!
=___________=
haix..

but thank God for fronia's post on her blog..
it was a good post! ^^
really made me think it through...

have i really trust God with my results?
because if i have, i won't be worrying bout my results so much.
sure, worrying a little is fine. it gets me going. but getting TOO worried is NOT.
because if get i overly (i mean OVERLY) stressed, it kinda shows that im still thinking that it's MY own abilities that'll get me through the exams.. so I have to work extra hard to get it.
but trusting God is really showing that whatever results i get, it's because God wanted me to have it..
all things work for good for those who love him and are called according to His purpose!
whatever i get, has a purpose.
trusting God is to know that everything's gonna work out fine, even if it seems like it's not.
i'm still trying though...
Give thanks in everything.

if there's one thing i wanna thank God for, it's for helping me get into my dream course.
helping me get a little closer to my dreams.

still, i'll try my very best, even if it seems extremely hard.
even if it seems unbelievable, i'll still put in my very best.
but i'll like to lift my time in the exam hall and my results into His hands! :D

Yes, i'll trust You..

2010-09-07T16:42:00.004+08:00

swimming in a sea of revision work.
at least i can float.

Load up on guns and bring your friends
It's fun to lose and to pretend
She's over-bored and self-assured
Oh no, I know a dirty word

Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello

With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us

A mulatto, an albino
A mosquito, my libido
Yeah, hey, yay

I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end

Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello

With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us

A mulatto, an albino
A mosquito, my libido
Yeah, hey, yay

And I forget just why I taste
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard, it's hard to find
Oh well, whatever, nevermind

Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello

With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us

A mulatto, an albino
A mosquito, my libido

A denial, a denial
A denial, a denial
A denial, a denial
A denial, a denial
A denial
///////////////////////

okie.. lemmeeee seeeeeeeeee now...

i've done 3 years of Amath papers which sums up to 6 papers yesterday,
and another 3 today...
so i've gotta fin 03 P1 and 02 P1&2 by today to fin 6 papers.
then i wont touch Amath anymore until the day before amath..
and i'll go straight to phy tmr.
phy for bout 2-3 days.
chem on sat and sun also includes emath last revision

this is my schedule.

super chiong right?
yeappx!

haha! i wonder if any of you feel stressed when you're with me..

anyway, just realised that ur mind really affects what you see.
like now, one of the priorities is to study.
or it becomes something "urgent".
so wherever i go, once i see ppl study, i get the "withdrawal" symptoms.
like "why others studying and then im here not studying"
and yea.. the paranoid-sih thingy.
and is not only me! even fronia also feels the same :S
so scary :SSSS

ha!
so yea..

should i follow my mum and my aunts to pu tian for some "high tea" tmr?
maybe i bringing phy tys there to study instead :S AHHHHHHHH!!!
my day revolves around studying liao..
SO SAD!
NO LIFE PPL! NO LIFE!

the only thing that saves me from the torture is the comp and music/songs.
haix.

anyway, if you guys wanna do easy Amath paper, go do papers from 05 and before... they are quite okay ^^ sure can fin in bout 1 hour-1.30hr. skip those out of syll questions.

NO vectors.
No sets (i think)
No probability
and No weirdish polynomial with the questions bout inverse f(x) blablabla.

^^ "ENJOY"!

=__________=

careless lurh! haiyoh!

2010-09-07T01:22:00.001+08:00

makes me wanna DANCE!

The 1st day of the horrendous week

2010-09-06T20:33:00.003+08:00

who am I?
am i what you think i am?
or am i a different person all together?

okie.. so now, im officially struggling with freaking Amath! the doing of amath is CRAZYYYYYYYYYYY!

and yea,, amath ALSO REQUIRES MEMORISING formulas.
=_=

i've realised that i learn quite differently from ppl.
i need visual stuff to aid in my understanding.
taht's why SS is soooo darn hard. and so is math. and chem. and phy. and chinese.

you see, SS is lotsa facts. few stories.
so there's nothing to imagine = no visual aid.
math si just numbers. and visualising a sea of numbers is downright horrible for me.
chem. how would i even know if blabla experiment works????
phy. okay, so phy can have some imaginary things. but i still hate it nonetheless :) *smiles*
chinese - it is one thing to know how to read and write chinese, it is another to know how to put them together. either way, i sux at both of them. greatly.

well things like bio and geog are easier for me ^^ (I LOVE BIO ESSAYS!)
bio is like a story - the cardiac cycle. can totally visualise it! :D
geog formation also can visualise it. ohhh and geog formation can DRAW! ^^ hehee! but i still wont touch rivers and coast nonetheless..
compo too! can visualise.
soo yea! i am a person who sees visualises, or else reading's gonna be hard.. for me to understand.
example the book im reading now, Faith. urgh i take sooo long to understand it. XP bleh!

HURRY UP!
I WANNA GO DO ART-Y STUFF! urgh =__________=

so yeappx! love yah ppl! ^^

"Lord, have mercy"

The beginning... and nearing the end

2010-09-05T23:41:00.003+08:00

we started days away from the end,
running with all our might.
we dreamed of the outcomes,
the positive outcomes.
halfway through, we began to feel tired and weary.
"How long more", we often asked ourselves.
"just a little bit more" was the reply.
we started slowing down.
some ran past us,
others lagged behind.
Nonetheless, we continued persevering.
Now,
we're almost there.
"Just a little bit more, just a little bit more...
and we'll be there."

just how much have we tired?
wow it's been real fast.
the years and the days.
a few days ago, Os were just 100 days away.
now, it has "halved" to 50 days.
eeeepx!
HOW FAST!

and then, we'll say bye bye!
how fast.

trying my very best now.
yet still struggling to swim in this whole pool of workload (study + revision)
and you know i can't swim.
haix.. oh wells.. im awfully tired.
hope i can survive this..

I WANNA WORK!
lol ^^

thx for visiting my blog..
i know it's kinda boring..
haha! but hope you'll enjoy the pics and songs! ^^
some of my fav few songs yea! ^^

LISTEN TO RHYTHMS DEL MUNDO!
REALLY BRIGHTENS YOUR DAY! :DDDDDD

goodbye!

the internal struggle.

AT LEAST I'VE TRIED.

2010-09-03T18:55:00.006+08:00

I was blinded by the lights
I saw the reflecting in their eyes
It blinded me from the sea
Of everybody's smiles
And I was young and best
So I'd thought I'd test the night
Yeah I thought that we can leave before the lights fell down
I wasn't listening
So carry on young gentleman
I have done all that I can
I have done all that I'll stand for..
Carry on young gentleman
I have done all that I can
I have done all that I'll stand for..
We left after dark, the sun had fallen for the moon and all the moments race
It's going way too fast it's way too soon
So I sat alone
Just for a moment they came back and now I'm stuck right here
Reeling in the slack now from my previous nights

So carry on young gentleman
I have done all that I can
I have done all that I'll stand for..
Carry on young gentleman
I have done all that I can
I have done all that I'll stand for..

Deliver me now from everything we should not do..
It's so unpredictable
But still you know just what your gonna do
In even moments that fall flat
Something is different even though it's hard to mean that
I wasn't listening

So carry on young gentleman
I have done all that I can
I have done all that I'll stand for..
Carry on young gentleman
I have done all that I can
I have done all that I'll stand for..

I stand for something
I stand for something
I will stand for something yeah
So carry on young gentleman
I have done all that I can
I have done all that I'll stand for, yeah
//////////////////////////////////

Battling with the mind.
Being told to do one thing,
and trying to do another.

well.. today's been a great day? okay maybe not.
geog paper was DO-ABLE! DARN! and mr ng said it was sooo hard! grrr!
but CL was horrible beyond horrible.. the lack on "interaction" with chinese makes it soooo hard to read and understand. not very optimistic.. but... WTH! XP

so yea.. then had lunch with TW and went home to change before going to TW's house area to "play" bball..
well.. i KNOW i suck at it.. can't be helped.
im not sporty.. NOT AT ALL!
so yea.. had troubles blocking and even catching..
and yea.. I KNOW I'M A BALL ATTRACTER! urgh!

well.. got a little bit upset.. although i didnt show it. XP
haix.. but it's kinda true.. i'm pretty much a "burden" in the court..
SO SORRY!!! i know i suck.. really..

well.. oops? i guess im better as a spectator (sp?) than a player..
so sorry..
but at least i've TRIED!
knowing that i AM afraid of balls, at least i've tried! XP

so yea.. just don't want people to label me as "nerd" cuz truly i AM NOT!
and i AM trying to get myself more involved in class activities...
haiz.

XP

establishing my "identity"
not to be labeled as who i am NOT.
Trying to tell you who i AM.
Can't anyone see, hear or feel?

deep apologies.

2010-09-01T09:30:00.003+08:00

I CAN READ

Wonders.

wow it's teachers' day!
one of the worst days for this year.. urgh! gotta spend the entire day mugging for bio.. in bout 30min time. how sad XP bleh!

so yea!
yesterday was kinda awesomely boring.. it's the mixture of those 2.
well.. ACES day was "fun"
went all hyper in desperation for BPC points.
did the sorry sorry and soldier boy dance steps.
then we went back to class and.. did NOTHING.. what a waste! should have had a party or something!! oh wells..
was busy in class decorating the card! ^^ O.o i like my art piece.. heheeeee!
showed form and co-form chers our "uncensored" class video- what usually happens in class behind the scenes, and the super "guaii" class. and a little "spoof" of our chers! heheee! ^^

the performance was great..
had ronald and alisha(?) perform... nice! (AHHHHH JASON MRAZ! I'M YOURS!!!)
the best was the chers performing themselves.
hmm i wonder if anyone took a video of it.
chers dancing to bad romance.. hahaha so funny!
then the HODs danced tooo! mr toh forgot the steps and moved in the wrong direction... lol paiseh!
the immediate thing he said after the performance was 'NO MORE!" LOL

yea..

anyway, went back to CPS with jinyi.
ms poon not in sch AGAIN!!! =((((
well, met some haising ppl.
junjie, zuer, cyrilla (wow! she was my junior!) and one prefect person..
other HSC ppl i didn't recognise..
and met Mrs Ooi! haha she still remember meeeee! ^^ LOLOLOL! one lovely cher i'll never ever forget! ^^
and my erhu juniors still recognise me! LOL.. but they forgot i played the erhu =__= diaoz!
but it's kinda nice lah ^^
drink stall uncle has not changed since 10 years ago, all cheerful and funny! ^^

yea.. had BS.. want very good.. too noisy.. cant concentrate! XP

then well.. the usual.
studyyyy! geog.. SIAN DIAO!

today is full chiong for bio!

good luck and all the best! :D

if only learning could be made fun and enjoyable.
or is it because we, our own thinking, sees it as boring?

2010-08-30T19:02:00.004+08:00

Sunday morning rain is falling

Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you
Singing someday it'll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself back home to you

And you may not know
That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning

Tired Morning.

YoYoYo!

How'dya like the new look? hehee!

anyway, lotsa things have happened..
sad.. haix.. PRELIMS ARGH!
im not v. optimistic.. neither am i THAT worried.
i don't know..
just knowing that i've gotten into TP settles it..
YEA i DO put in my greatest effort..
but not achieving way beyond my expectations is still well.. fine~
at least my near future is settled..
and part of my dream is coming true!
just get this over and done with PLEASE!!!

so yea..

EL was pretty okay..
until i handed int he wrong scripts and forgot to write the question no. careless me.
CL was okay.
SS was horrendous.

what about the rest?

we'll just have to see...

im getting something from my bro now at least!
so basically.. heck care and don't worry..

oh wells...

byebye! :D

isn't it sad,
how you think erasing your memories can be so much better..
but in the process of erasing them, you realise how precious they are to you..
be it all the sad memories you've had
and never ever wanted to hold on to.
it seems like you're erasing part of your life.
so does that mean you're erasing your existence too?

2010-08-23T18:35:00.003+08:00

There must be more than this
O breath of God, come breathe within
There must be more than this
Spirit of God we wait for You
Fill us anew we pray
Fill us anew we pray

Consuming fire
Fan into flame
A passion for Your name
Spirit of God
Fall in this place
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way
With us

Come like a rushing wind
Clothe us with power from on high
Now set the captives free
Leave us abandoned to Your praise
Lord let Your glory fall
Lord let Your glory fall

Stir it up in our hearts, Lord
Stir it up in our hearts, Lord
Stir it up in our hearts - a passion for Your Name
///////////////////////////////////////////////////

How much is Enough?

hmm...
might as well..

im sooo tired!
i have NO IDEA WHY!
seems like i've not been getting enough rest..
but i DO sleep... how come i still feel tired??
and all stressed up?????

and OMG prelims are coming..
and kinda drowning in all the mess...
i think i look pretty f-ed up....
everyday, i get irritated..
getting super bad headaches.. migraines?

and having awfully bad time..
so much to study!
SOOO MUCH! arghhh!!!!!!!!

the sheer desire to achieve seems to be horribly "killing" me XP bleh!

so yea.. kinda taking some time to really just stop studying..
not much time though...

hmm.. i wonder how the others cope with it..
maybe im just stressing myself too much..
haix..

oh btw, got into TP via DPA..
one step closer to my dreams..

but at what cost?
haix..

lifting them up into your hand.

2010-08-13T23:22:00.003+08:00

tiredness.. sadness, FED UP

WOW! i just got scolded for being sick...
and i didnt "ASK" for it!
like WTH! XC
been sick for so long..
i really want to be admitted into the hospital.
watever!
JUST GET THIS STUPID THING OUT OF MEEEEEEEEEEE...

and stress is getting into my head again..
handling it is awful!
the continuous stress to get As for all subs...
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
BUAY TAHAN!!!!
XC

really feel like quitting liao..
just giving up!

sometimes, being good is not always the best.
once you score very well for your exams etc, you'll get paranoid of failing or scoring badly..
im prtty paranoid by now.. even a B3 is not good enough..
is this a constant psychotic thingy that i give myself...
or im easily influenced by my surroundings..

i am pretty paranoid actually..
and i AM screaming for "help"
ahhhhhhhh!! okay..
im not crazy yet..
but might as well me..

honestly, sec4 life TOTALLY sux for me.
not enjoying it.
hates it.
im NOT enjoying what i AM doing which makes thing a LOT worse.

okay.. emo-ing right now..
lets just hope nothing bad happens.

gtg sleep now..
awfully tired.
night.

*silence.*

2010-08-09T21:11:00.003+08:00

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Eminem - Verse 1]
I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
High off her love, drunk from my hate, it's like I'm huffin' paint
And I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me, she f**kin' hates me
And I love it, "wait, where you goin'?"
"I'm leavin' you," "no you ain't come back"
We're runnin' right back, here we go again
So insane, cause when it's goin' good it's goin' great
I'm superman with the wind in his back, she's Lois Lane
But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snap
Whose that dude? I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

[Chorus]

[Eminem - Verse 2]
You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you with em you meet and neither one of you even know what hit em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills used to get em
Now you're getting f**kin' sick of lookin' at em
You swore you'd never hit em, never do nothin' to hurt em
Now you're in each other's face spewin' venom in your words when you spit em
You push pull each other's hair
Scratch claw hit em throw em down pin em
So lost in the moments when you're in em
It's the face that's the culprit, controls you both
So they say it's best to go your seperate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playin' over
But you promised her next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no nintendo game, but you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

[Chorus]

[Eminem - Verse 3]
Now I know we said things, did things, that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me
When it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby please come back, it wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up the bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time there won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar if she ever tries to f**kin' leave again
I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire

[Chorus]
[End]

Love the way you lie...

2010-08-09T15:26:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! AND "HOLIDAY"!!!

BOO!

haha! it's the "holis"...
well.. most of the OTHERS will be out playing and enjoying themselves..
well.. im guessing most of the sec4s are stuck at home (forced to) to study study study! same here! haha!

welll.. havent really studies much the past 3 days.. CRAP!
fri, after national day celeb, went to watch inception.
sat, cg and svc took up LOTSA TIME! and wanna welcome ming huang (sp?) to e501! heheeee! wonderful guy! funny and thinks andy's a joke! hahaha! great! ^^ and he's fronia's "flen" (friend)
anyway, when i reached home, i was almost "dead" SOOOOOOOOOO tired!!!! did some homework nonetheless...
sunday, woke up and did hmwrk..
then went to godparent's house to visit them ^^
haha! lionel's voice broke (FINALLY! HAHA :DD) and both gab and lionel are like more more more more more mature now ^^ heeeeheee! and taller (NOOOO!!!)
so i did phy hmwrk at their house (YES! that's how NO LIFE i've become :C)
went to shobuku (sp? i cant quite remembert he place) to eat... I CANT TASTE A THING! :CCC
my cough and flu is really killing me...still having it and it just seems to be getting WORSE GRAHHHH!!!!
but the tofu cheese cake is really nice.. texture wise.. i cant taste remember!

so today, im locking myself up at home while bro goes out and mum and dad goes out!
resting now.. gonna start again later!
God bless me and all those studying! do take some rests too okay ^^

argh!

OH!

and

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!! LOVE YOU!! ^^

hehee!

wishing that i could be free,
like a bird!

2010-08-06T21:12:00.002+08:00

Have ever wondered,
if what you have now,
is nothing but a dream?
Is it possible to tell a dream from reality?
is it possible to get stuck in a dream,
and never want to escape from it?
For reality IS reality.
It is uncontrollable.
But dreams are created in/by our subconscious mind.
we can CONTROL it!
That makes a dream so lovely,
sometimes, FAR better than what reality can offer.
Yet, a dream is but a dream.
It cannot be real.
So what happens if we suddenly woke up from our dream,
and realise that we are back in our reality?
could you accept it?
would you accept it?

DREAMS -Inception?

this week has been rather.. wow?
a few things happened..

SP interview..
which was awesome!
SP is so far away! haha!
and SO huge!
almost got lost when i went in, and wanted tog et out of it! HAHA!
but it's great.
interview was good.
i like it! and yea ^^

ermm.. had national day celeb today.
sec4s went a bit "crazy"
started singing out loud,
standing up and walking around..
haha!
tried kallang wave which failed (unenthu jnrs!!!!! haha!)
did our gift hamper wrapping thingy..
bot 2nd place.
placed the secret code no. thingy.. forfeit - paste tape on leg hair and pull them offfff!!! ouch!
sadistic game but oh wells!

watched Inception.
ir ate it 5/5!!
SHOULD DEF GO WATCH IT!
if you like all thing mind movies, then it's definitely the movie for you!!!
haha!
the money's worth it!
just don't sleep or you won't know what's happening!

yea.. day's been great!
long "holiday" meant for studying!
wheeeeeeee! im tired. haha!

kk i gtg now..

byebye!

phileo,
des!

thinking of the unthinkable.

2010-08-01T20:36:00.002+08:00

¹³ And now abide faith, hope, love, these three;
but the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

Theme: LOVE

Love - never fails.
how true it is.
somehow, i realised how much love i've received.
from those around me.
it's kinda wonderful.
wouldnt be here if not for the love of my parents.
wouldnt be ME if not for my friends who constantly encourage me to be who i am.
wouldnt have been HERE now, if not for Him!

and i really feel that this is true.
ppl are constantly looking for Love.
haha ! and im glad i've found MINE! ^^

today, we've celebrated our 21st b'day!
how awesome!
imagine just a group of teenagers to now, a huge crowd of ppl of all ages! ^^
it's rlly rlly wonderful! haha!

rlly enjoyed these few days despite having this cough and flu.
FOP was awesome. extremely tiring but great!
planetshakers, don moen, and an awesome speaker! ^^

CHC's 21st ann.
gerald's b'day and cheng jun's official 18th for the 9th time b'day!
haha! great day indeed.

how i wish these few days will never end.
how i wish it could stretch to forever!
but good times will always end,
so that there will be even greater times to come.
agree? :D
who knows what we will have in the future?

let me have FAITH in all there is to believe.
let HOPE never fail to bring light into my life.
let LOVE soften my little heart.
but most of all,
let me LOVE God wholeheartedly,
and LOVE people fervently.
let this all come true...

LOVE - it is everlasting.
truly, it will never fail.

2010-07-25T22:30:00.002+08:00

family lurve!

urgh!
headache..
probing me to sleeeeeeeeep!

okie.. i dun wan this blog to die (although i think it's almost dead.. but oh wells!)

main things that happened.

received my POLY reply for interview (yippee)

cg was good!

sat's word was TREMEMDOUS.
felt blessed!

struggled till 3am to do colouring for portfolio (not done yet)

went to OCS to visit bro during family day.
bro cried like many times in there.
dad was sharing with bro, encouraging him.
bro was really REALLY happy that he could see us! ^^ (im soo happeeeeee tooo!)
then when we had to leave, bro cried again..
darn! it's like he'll nvr be able to see us for long.. kinda thingy.. you know the drama kinda thing.
yea..
awwww...
bro cry, i also wanted to cry. XC
kinda miss having my bro to talk to.
argh! the "only child" at home now.
SOMEBODY TALK TO MEEE! haha!

okie.. headache is horrible.. gonna sleep now!
BYE!

storge.
family love.
that's important!

phileo!

2010-07-18T21:30:00.002+08:00

"I've been putting on a mask
and I will continue to do so.
No one can see me.
Only myself.
Who benefits?
Neither.
Who loses out?
No one.
maybe it's safer this way.
Maybe.
it's a risk too huge to gamble on."

how sad.

Trying to find it.

have you ever wondered why you can't find certain things when you really need or want it.
but it's just THERE when you least realise that you "need" it?

it's just like that.
and you feel like just going "ARGH! THIS IS FRUSTRATING!!"

maybe this is what im feeling.
What am i finding?
well.. it's a little secret :]
well.. you gotta be a little bit quiet at times! ^^

but really..
when you cant find it.. it's like..
saddening.
it shows how much you don't treasure things around you.
i mean.. what's the point in knowing that you have to treasure them.
it doesnt really work in real life.
you always realise how much something is worth to you, AFTER losing it/them.
and it's just frustrating.
if i had treasured it a little more.

haix.

"Nothing is too late"
i wonder where this came from.
just pop-ed out in my head.
i wonder how true this is.
can all things be early?
on time?
or is it that we think we are too late.

everything is predestined.
it's just whether you are willing to walk on your "life's road".. the journey, long or short.
whether you are willing to take every step forward without fear.

Stay happy always.
how seemingly impossible to do so.
No matter how hard you try.
Isn't this unfair?
Yet we do it all the time.

2010-07-18T01:39:00.001+08:00

One true Love.
One everlasting Love.
One Agape Love.

Looks like it's more of Phileo.

Agape.
unconditional Love.

2010-07-17T09:55:00.003+08:00

Have you ever wondered.
Your decisions can affect another person's life.
So what decisions,
what moves must you make,
for things to go right.
Will things REALLY go the "right" way?
Can a decision really makes all things work out right?
surely all decisions can eventually make someone, anyone unhappy?
or is this just a pessimistic outlook of life?
So What decisions do you make?
Who's life is being affected?

It now appears that making the simplest decision is so scary!
yet every day,
every second,
we are making decisions.
choosing between many choices.
The simplest decision is to live everyday day,
to sleep every day,
to eat every day.
The hardest decision.. there's so many.

What are YOUR decisions?

1 day at a time

Been listening to wedding dress over and over again..
its a very nice song..
okay fine so i don't know the lyrics.
but it sounds nice!

okay..

so going for cg and svc today again ^^
YAY!

*you'll never know*

2010-07-16T22:32:00.007+08:00

Change.
it's the constant thing that never changes.
how contradicting.
Sometimes, it's so much better that nothing changes.
Yet, change can be beneficial to others.
Change comes along with time.
How i Hate Changes and How i Hate Time.
how i hate it when they come hand in hand.
If there was no time, would there have been changes?
or would it be that BECAUSE there was no time
that no one really notices it.
why is there a NEED for changes?
for us to grow?
for us to learn?
for us to improve?
what if change breaks somebody?
shatters them into pieces?
pulls them apart?
yet, despite the negative points, it is never ending.
The question is, WHY?
No.
"Why" can't do anything much.
The Question is, WHICH is better.
Without time or without change?
But what's the point?
Even if you know the reasons,
even if you know the choices,
there is NO WAY of changing changes.
Yet it feels so hard to accept this!
There's so many "what if"s that's yet to be found.
What's the point anyway?
There is no escape!
Just accept it and learn to embrace it.
Maybe that's what "change" wants to teach us in life.
To learn how to accept.

CHANGES

been looking at past pics.
unglam shots.
lovely memorable shots.
fugly shots.
YES!
we've all changed
in many ways and wonders.
we look much better as we grow.
we behave much better (okay.. the exceptions are many)
our relationships with one another changes over time.
some becomes colder.
some becomes stronger.
some just remains the same.

yet, HOW MUCH I HATE CHANGES.
maybe it IS the greatest fear because you cant anticipate for it to come.
it's everyday.
there is NO escape!
You can't "prepare" for tomorrow.
you have to wait for "tomorrow" to come.
you'll have to wait for the day to past before you know waht's "gonna" happen on that particular day.

sometimes, i wish that change never existed.
i wonder how life would be...
would it be boring?
or better?
good?
or bad?
heart-warming?
or heart-shattering?

truly, time comes hand in hand with change.
over time, be it a short or long period, drastic changes occur.
people around you change.
sometimes, it catches you by surprise.
sometimes, it's so gradual that you never realise anything, until you get a quick "preview" of the past (via pics)

sometimes, you really embrace it with all your might.
but most of the time, you just wanna throw it away.

is this what i'm feeling and thinking?
me, and my own feelings and thoughts?
or does anyone feel/think the same?

oh wells.. why not just take it as it goes, adapt to it.
love it.
appreciate it.

class photo taking.
i don't want to have a LAST class photo taking.
i want it to be everlasting.
EVER.LASTING

"Does it bother you?
'cause i bothers me!
so much that i don't want to ever remember"

2010-07-12T21:50:00.005+08:00

we've got less than a 100 years to live!
live life meaninfully!

What to do in the wilderness...?

i wonder why i am able to reflect so much these few days.

honestly, i really liked sat svc msg..
about the wilderness..
so many times, we encounter problems and start complaining and whining (okay.. that's just me.. i hope), asking why things are like that.
we (when i say we... mostly referring to me) always think of our circumstances.. and not what we can gain from them..
then, there's the feeling of giving up. the feel of just turning back.
but what i learnt is that if we turn back, we cant gain anything..
think of it this way..
you start the journey with nothing but a destination.. where you KNOW you're gonna get something back.
halfway through, you give up and turn back. don't we end up gaining nothing at all.. but we ended up losing our time. our precious time?

but in all things, rejoice.
Not FOR all things, but IN all things.
im still trying to learn this part.
rejoice IN SPITE of your circumstances.

because i believe that everything is a nd will be okay.. and there's nothing to fear actually..
(still learning to grasp this part) since we will not get any difficulties beyond our abilities.

yea.. we might meet certain problems that'll pull us down.
but that's the purpose of it.
to build our character. to build our trust.
(and still learning this part too)
to let us GROW!

the most important part is.. am i willing to put ALL my trust in Him?
(which i am still learning)
and do i have the correct attitude? (maybe i'm not there yet)
if not, i'm pretty sure my destination will be a little further ahead.
but no doubt, i'll get it one day!
it's a little.. you can say..promise?
:D

yea..
anyway, i hope that through this process of growing, i can be a better person.
honestly, from what i've known, i've definitely grown since the childhood times (not only physically, but in many other aspects).

KEEP ON GROWING!

"if i've already made up my mind,
why do i still feel this way? :C
it ain't fair!"

2010-07-11T22:47:00.003+08:00

sometimes, i wonder what it really feels like... ...
i wonder what my future will be like...
i wonder if my dreams will ever become reality...
whether my wishes will be heard...
whether they will come true...

REFLECTION..

just been thinking..
today's a rather "my own time" kinda day.
spent most of today by myself.
was at home studying phy.. just reading through the textbk.. fin reading 9 chapters.
and i really wonder about my interior designs.

i realised through my little designs, what i really want in my life.
"stunning" discovery? maybe.. maybe not? it's just that.. maybe i just didnt consciously know..

what i really want is just a place where..
it makes me feel all relaxed.
where work and personal time just don't cross each other.
a space where people just come, sit down and relax.
where they don't have to care about what is happening in the outside world.

it's a place where people can come and just pour their hearts out if they wanted to.
a place where people can come together and just fellowship.
it encourages people to get to know more about others.
it's a very "open" place.

yet, it's a place that feels so safe.
where you can just lie down and not feel afraid of anything.
as if you are protected.

where you can really, really be yourself without feeling awkward...

No.

it's not the place that i want, that will make me feel all these.
it's the "Me" that i want to feel like this.
whatever i draw reflects what i really want in ME.

truly, maybe what ever you do reflects your life, your characters, your desires.
what ever that you put your heart into doing really shows a lot about you.
i wonder if people will look at my drawings and really know more about Me just by looking at them.

i wonder if i can create an environment that is "Me".
where people can just walk in and feel what i want to feel.
it's just like talking without talking.
i wonder if i can really do so.

just thinking and thinking...
reflecting and reflecting...
time spent alone is really good.
sometimes, being alone is the best thing anyone can have..

i wonder when can i ever feel so relaxed again. after Os?
maybe...
maybe...

"with what little creativity I have,
making little gifts look lovely and pretty.
putting my heart and soul into making them.
knowing all the time and effort is worthwhile.

Because I believe it's a gift from God to me.
To bless THEM,
To let THEM know that THEY are so special.
that everything is just for THEM.
simply because THEY are so special to HIM.
simply because YOU are so special to Me <3"

2010-07-09T21:38:00.002+08:00

Put a record on...

hi ppl! LONG time no see! haha!
been rather busy with school and stuff.. SORRY!
trying to revive the blog now.. but no one really comes so yea.. heh!

so how's life?
ermm.. and what are the eventful stuff?
well.. other than school as per norm, there is Chinese Oral Os and a hectic week of tests.. OH! and Svc with Dr A.R. Bernard with invited friends, fred and sam!

so sat svc 2st!
went for SAT SVC ya know ^^ yippeee!
haha! and i believe fred and sam enjoyed themselves.. haha! rather "chim" word for that day but i hope they can catch most of it ^^

we are biopsychosociospiritual ppl! :]
bio-psycho-social-spiritual people!

ermm.. then there's youth day which was not much of erm.. fun..
and Os chinese oral.. not too happy with my performance. but oh wells.

tests tests tests and more tests. URGH! life in sch ain't fun now!
the neext thing to look forward to --- class photo taking.
planning for 1/2 the class to hold phy textbk and the other 1/2 to hold bio txtbk..
then we do the fleming left hand rule.. maybe right hand rule or fleming right hand rule.. lol all the stupid things..
oh wells... it's our last year anyway. why not do something stupid.
after all, e1 has broken the record of always being the top for BBC/BPC (now).. we are dirty! CRAZY! and the least hardworking among the few past e1 classes (i think :X)

so yea..

kinda wish i can slow down time.
why does it seem like when you're having fun, time pasts sooooo quickly!
but when you are upset,bored or plan "emo", time seems to draaaaaaaag until a min can be a day..
but isn't time always the same?
so why does our mind think that way?
can we stop it?
can we reverse it?
who know?
maybe?

Everyday, you are short of time.
Live each day meaningfully.
Don't regret.

"Listen to every single word i have to say...
be it spoken,
or unspoken.
Listen."

2010-06-22T21:18:00.005+08:00

My "family"

my very last camp.. memories flooood like crazy..
since sec1 till now's experience.
camp pics will be uploaded soon on FB...

you know what.. i really feel like..
our batch has really grown...
from babies to adults to retirees.
we've learnt SO much.
we've improved So Much.
We've done So much.
and we can still learn More and improve More!
and... i realised how much of a 'family' we've become..

ever since sec2.. yea?
if the pref remember, we used to sit at the new block staircase lvl 2 area during recess duty.. and just talk and chit chat.. that's where we really bonded with one another. and gotta know one another.
then our probaes came in.. and we had a "responsibility".. we played with our probaes, taught our probaes.. and rlly just had so much fun with them.. that was when they were sec1.
now, they are Sec 3!
time files really really fast.. sometimes, i think i'm running behind, trying to catch up with it.

i'd wanted to quit pref more than once.but still remained in the brd.. 3 1/2 years.. NOT BAD!
rlly didnt imagine what it would be like when we are sec4.. 0ur LAST YEAR getting involved in anythin with the sch as a student! our LAST camp :'C sobs

rlly just wanna say, i'd rlly enjoyed my time being a prefect in the brd..
be it horrible times (un-enjoyable) or simply FUN times, i really really treasure the time we ahd together.. esp the sec4 perfects who have stayed in the brd for SO long.
i'd say we are Quite close by now.. disagreements among 1 another may rise but it's kinda like.. WOW! at least we don't bear grudges.. hehee! :D

To The Prefects and Advisors:
heyo advisors! rlly wanna thank you all for planning the camp together and although problems occured to "screw up" everything, but im really glad we hav this "unique" batch of ppl.. who are willing to put in a bit more effort to solve the prob or at least think of an alternative solution.. haha! Now, that we're advisors, I WANT THE BADGE! haha! Lets just hope we learnt something from this camp yea? :D

PREFECTS! lvoely messages you got there! received a msg with a simple smiley on it haha! and a few "kwa zhang" compliment bah.. but THANKS MANN.. nvr rlly thought i would receive so many cards.. haha! JIAYOU JIA YOU OKAY! YOU ALL CAN DO IT DER! YOU ALL CAN ACHIEVE THE BEST OUT OF THE BEST! Hope you guys learnt something from this camp as well as to have fun! (des says with a strict tone:) NOW DO YOUR DUTIES PROPERLY!! :] hehee

and to my 2 probaes.. the 2 longest messages. really glad to be the mentor of my 1 and 1/3 probae.. haha.. rlly seen then grow from sec1-3 (whoa!).. grow not only TALLER (when take photo with both of them, must make then bend down!) but in character and capacity. ^^ wheeee! wishing you all ALL the best for everything. Jia You Jia You!!! I'm sure you'll make things work out to improve improve and improve !
Japser: Don't forget, he still owe me a 500 word essay for being late, and dont forget that he said he will DEF get a commander der. i plan to see the 500 word reflection on monday!! JKJK
Quanle: yea know he know he dao me a lot. SO NEXT TIME CANNOT "DAO!" dont make me look like an idiot, waving at nobody arh!! :D and JYJY FOR YOUR DUTIES!! ^^

already missing the pref board...
awww..

LOVE YOU GUYS FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART! MUACKS! :3

time flies and fades away..
but memories will always remain within us :D

2010-06-18T20:35:00.003+08:00

"Holis! GIVE ME A BREAK!"

Picture perfect memories,
Scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause, I can't fight it any more.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call  but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk,
And I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.

Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now.

////////////////////////////////

hello! yea.. gonna take a slight break now. XP

hmm..
so how's holis so far.. all i can say is.. WHAT HOLIS?!
haha! been chionging through lotsa stuff..
other than revision of math and chem (URGH)
was chionging through jem's ang bao box deco.. YAY! i LOVE making it!
i really enjoy the time making it..
LOVES the challenges. hehee!

hmm..
so far i've fin the 2 boxes already.
erm..
quite satisfied with them although i dunno if the couple will like it.. ahahaha!
had little sleep. was rushing to fin it so i kinda stayed up till.. 2am or 3am to make it.. hahaha!
but i'm loving it nonetheless..

^^

so ermm..

let's talk about today!

okie..
simple.
woke up early (8am)
played the guitar and sang.
the next moment, it was raining heavily (oops!)

went out to WS to meet zay, fro and daniel to do geog project thingy.
^^ it's GREAT to see your friends! :D

then left halfway to meet nut.
went to Ginormous (Giant) to buy some stuff..
got myself an FBT shorts.. and 5 x 1kg flour for the camp ^^
ate hotdog bun at ikea and went back.
had a nice time talking to nut..

i realise (not that i have nvr realised this long ago) that although cherie and nut are in diff class from me for 1 1/2 years.. we can still talk without feeling awkward.
rlly rlly miss spending time with them..
hope i can do so during camp ^^
really miss spending time with my 1-2e3 friends!!!! XP

haha! i cant wait for:
1 - JEM'S WEDDING!!! yippeeee!
2- PREFECT CAMP!
3 - O's to END
4- Prom night!

i can surely and really wanna wait for:
1 - SCHOOL TO BEGIN AGAIN THIS YEAR
2 - O's to come of cuz im contradicting myself here :X)
3- 2010 (end of my time as a sec sch girl, and the last time spending time with HSC friends in sch) to end :C === i will rlly miss my friends! ohh i hope i dun cry on the last day of sch!

hmm..
yea..

*Sometimes, all i want to do is to sit down, stare at the sky, listen to the waves, and remember those fun times. I want to let my mind rest for a while. I want to let my body rest just for a short moment. I want this to last forever.*

2010-06-14T22:51:00.002+08:00

The Real meaning of "Study" Break.

We Break to study.

whoo!
the official 1st day of holi for us..
started studying ler..
planned a schedule for June.

rather hectic but im just gonna stick to it!
and nothing will bring me DOWN!! :D

will spend my days wisely i hope..
PLS LET ME REVISE EVERYTHING PROPERLY..
but ALSO LET ME HAVE SUFFICIENT REST!

:D

hmm.. i cant wait for Os to come..
dreading that it's coming..

btw some coral friends added my via FB.
and MY OH MY ppl have changed!
A LOT!
it's kinda amazing!
:S
still... im not vry close to them.. haix..
wasted my pri sch life..

oh wells.. no point regretting what has happened in the past.
shall move on..
maybe the pri sch gathering at the end of the year will be good..
i dunno? XP

"hope for the future" ^^

*glad? maybe?*

2010-06-11T22:37:00.002+08:00

"Immense"

On winter days the snow would glisten
like a sea of diamonds in the sun
All bundled up in hat and mittens
I'd be out the door and on the run
To the meadow my place
Beneath branches of icy lace
Arms held out eyes shut closed
I'd lean back and just let go

And I would Fall to Fly
A snow white angel I'd spread my wings to the sky
How I'd glide

But soon I craved the city lights
They seemed far brighter than the moon on snow
Turned in my wings for earthly things
Forgot the feel of clouds on indigo
I was strong, I was proud
Keeping both feet on the ground
I feared love like I feared heights
I just didn't realise

That I can Fall to Fly
A snow white angel I spread my wings to the sky
Yes I can Fall to Fly

'cause now you've come along
Like falling snow at dawn
You move me
And with you by my side
We'll soar

we will climb straight to the heaven's skies

Yes I can Fall to Fly
A snow white angel I spread my wings to the sky
Yes I can Fall to Fly
'cause now I'm gonna give love a try
Fall to fly

On winter days I wait for snow and then I know the angel flies once more
Fall to Fly
Fall to Fly
/////////////////////////////////////

Hey! It's FINALLY OVER!! until 2 weeks later.
hmm..

wheee! i can say, my math cher is SUPER WHOA!
can fin integration (the entire thingy), properties of circle, binomial in what... less than a week?
bullet train. but can still understand!
im so blessed to have her as a cher! haha! :D

so yea..
days been okay i guess.. nothing much except for the sian-ess..
gotta help jem make his guest book..
big task! LOL! and im gonna fin it in 1 day!
TRY (but i wanna believe that i can...)
i really dunno if i can do a good job for it leh..
:S JEMMMM!!!!!! XP

gotta spend the rest of the days studying for Os!
there's not a lot of days to study ya know!
gotta chiong through..
im gonna go "hard-core"!
WHOOO!!!

haix..
week's been kinda tiring..
seems like long lessons after lessons.
workload per day is MORE than usual.
gotta do do DO!
haix.. i wished i can go back in time and just PLAY during holis..
most of the time, it's just boredom. =__=

i hate Os! =__=

lol...

oopx..

*sometimes, that's all you need to set things straight! Whether you like it.. or not...*

2010-06-08T21:55:00.006+08:00

SOMETIMES...

Sometimes, i just wish that i can just wind back time and change so many things.
the sad thing is,
it's Not possible.
and yea.. i don't wanna regret.

been having lessons AGAIN! another week going just like that. so sickening! XP
hmm.
yester was kinda fun though.. laughed quite a fair bit due to some stupid jokes/pranks..
watched prince of persia.. fairly good until the ending.. not really what i like.
Been doing hmwrk after hmwrk for "dayS".
notes after notes.
just finished my own testimonial.
and am still worried of the lack of time.
HOW TO FINISH!
hmph!

been "worried" bout church.
and am praying hard for many MANY things.
been wondering bout lotsa things.

been really really hoping that one day, i can be S'pore's best interior designer though this dream is huge XP
but my greatest desire is to be one..
wish that i can design houses as nice as this one above.

haix..

sometimes, i wished i could turn back time.
and change so many things.

*Sometimes, I wish that we never really met;
then i won't know you, and you wont know me.
Sometimes, I am grateful that we met;
at least we won't ever be total strangers.
Sometimes, I just wish that it'll feel "neutral";
but this is the hardest and the most painful moment
because it never really happens.
We either stick to one side, the other side, or both sides.
Maybe it's not that simple after all.*

2010-06-05T21:45:00.003+08:00

Have Faith!

great desires!!
so much to "want"
so much to "dream"

yeapppx!
well.. yester wan kinda.. boring actually.. hmmm
had lessons.
pref meeting was kinda argh =_=
kinda wasted some time there doing nuthing. =_=

doing bio ntoes. still doing.

TODAY!
woke up at 7am!
wash up.
breakfast.
JOG! (can you imagine! des exercising?) went out for bout 30 min. 15 min of jogging. 15 min of walking. NOT BAD FOR A START! at LEAST i manage to kick myself and get myself started on SOMETHING!
read "Dear John" and finished the book. I WANT TO WATCH! so touching. almost cried.. but not yet.. no book has ever made me cry :C cold-heart? or hard-heart?
went for cg prayer meeting.
saw BIG GROUP of sjab ppl crossing the road to downtownE C:
ate lunch at BT's house.. 3 servings of beehoon yumyum! prayer meeting. prayed so hard! ^^ asked for some tips on my art pieces and had lotsa em, thank you ppl!
home!
dinner-ed
using comp to look at some interior designs.
am WOW-ed by them! gained some ideas.
now i just need the time to draw!

that's all folks! :D

*my desires, kept in my heart!*

2010-06-03T21:58:00.002+08:00

STUDY "Break"

HMM! i should be doing mind-map now.. oh wells..

lessons are CRAZILY LONG! 1 hour of a lesson and 2 HOURS of math! is indeed torturous..
after math today, i "died"!
soo drained that my brain seems to have shriveled up.. ewww... okay nvm.

yea..
integration.
finishing the whole chapter in bout5 hours. OMG THAT'S CRAZY! 3 days of integration only.. and im drowning in math. did i ever mention? i CANT SWIM!

:S

so yea..
not very happy with phy, chem and the other lessons.. apparently, i still prefer math. at least my brain seems to be working more.. better than staring at a screen and trying to understand the words.
URGH!

been starting on mind-mapping for bio. I HATE NUTRIENTS. so much to write.
and i should be doing it now btw. :X

i wonder what'll it be like nearer to Os.
OMG. i don't even wanna imagine.
THE HORROR!!!! :P

okeis.. gtg work hard or my Os!
IT'S NOT EARLY ALREADY! I'VE WASTED 1/2 a YEAR DOING WHO KNOWS WHAT NONSENSE - SLACK!

*Is it there...
Is it still there, somewhere...?
Oh.. No..
It seems to be gone...
I think...
Will it ever come back...?*

2010-05-31T23:22:00.002+08:00

You're all about freedom
All about kindness
All about a Savior who loves
You're all about justice
All about mercy
All about what I don't deserve

The one thing that I need
Be seated at Your feet
Here in Your beauty Lord
The one thing that I need
Be seated at Your feet
To worship You

With You every moment
My sweetest devotion
My heart is stirred to know You more
With You every moment
Like dew from the heaven
My Jesus, it's You that I adore

All I ever want
All I ever need
All I ever have is You
/////////////////////////////

DISASTROUS!

D:
i am never happy today.

Chinese O's.
was feeling OKAY!
wrote my compo.
fair enough.
did my P2.
Fair enough.

went for lunch.

had EL Oral prelims.

CL compo,
wrote out of point (or so it seems)
and i DON'T even know if i wrote it correctly.
so much for my efforts!
CL P2. mistakes after mistakes.

EL Oral.
stammered.
"errr","hmmm"

WRAH! TODAY ISN'T A GOOD DAY!

D:

am i upset?
totally.
am i afraid?
extremely.
am i disappointed?
very disappointed.

do i still wanna believe?
YES!
i don't know if i can achieve it or not.
PLEASE GIVE ME A GOOD NICE MARKER.
who an understand my points in relation to the topic!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!

*why does it always have to be like this?
why is it that no matter how much effort i've put in,
no matter how hard i've tried,
everything just seems to be crumbling down?
why, why , WHY?

can i still believe?*

2010-05-29T22:38:00.005+08:00

LIFE CHANGING EXPERIENCE

HEY! wont be using comp often ler D:

anyway, days been great!
had CL for 2-3 entire daySSSSS and lly wanted to die.

but most impt!!
ASIAN CONFERENCE!
AHHH I LOVE YYOOUUU!!!
haha!
extremely wonderful.
it's.. just beyond words to explain how it feels.

the excitement - unmeasurable.
and i've never felt so excited for something like this for so LONG!
haha!
and i think it's rlly true lor.. the presence of God is so strong! ^^ LOVELY!
jumped a lot today! just soooo HAPPY!

and yea! you rlly feel FILLED up once again.
was empty.
now filled!

was i afraid of Os?
YES MAN! YES!
am i still afraid of Os?
less.. afraid is one thing.
but to know that God is with me all this while.
it really brings peace to my heart.
i think this is the "feeling" yea.

haha! ^^

im hoping for MORE.
next AC in 2012!
I WONT WANNA MISS YOU!!!
:DDDDDDDDDDDDD

*now that You're here with me,
i KNOW that You'll never leave me,
never ever ever!
the desires of my heart
are to grow closer to You,
to know You more,
to Love You more,
and to never leave You!
You break the darkness
and bring light into my life.
For all of this,
I Thank You
from the bottom of my Heart!*